When the Fin-a-le is the Be-gin-ning

Now your probably wondering why the title is broken up?
 Well isn't that how we feel when something isn't working? A marriage, a friendship , a job/ career.
Do we embrace it with the sweet savor? saying "welcome come here."
Or are we all torn apart inside because mostly it comes as a surprise.
 Walking out your journey  shows you how to look for the end, because what it really means is the beginning is about to BEGIN.
Now the look of confusion is well understood ,but take a flash back and look at those bad endings that turned out for your good.
You cried and you toiled many nights with many tears to only look back and see God carried you through those years.
I speak not from what I heard but from great experience too, My reflection is clear and  it makes me want to share it with you.
See I'm not looking for any sadness but with overwhelming Glee because my past was presented to groom and mold Me.
I thanked my ex for leaving and his silence sceamed (B-tch) .
Not knowing I was sincere I wasn't trying to being a witch.
The break up was painful dropped me to my knees only to realize God had this up his sleeve.
See the struggle was painful and I was so broken , I couldn't find the words thank God for my circle.
 I had great wisdom speak into my ear he said "you will thank him later with no sorrow  and with no tears."
 I thank God for wisdom his is awesome a young  only to tell you he is the father of 2 sons.
Now I'm not  writing this moment to put any one on blast.
 I'm writing to tell you to smile at your past.
See now as I look back on this 5 year journey I'm truly reminded to leave your past on that gurney.
Its dead and it over the Finale has come, Now look straight ahead because the Beginning has won!!!!

Lets keep walking......

Innocence

Feeling like I'm 14, late night conversations on the phone.
Technology hasn't perverted  the essence of our conversation
 we use words instead of text messages or PlayStation.
Back in the day  we would sit on the phone to here each other breathe,
 those days were long gone  only to return what a sweet relief
 Late night conversations filled with innocence and curiosity

No room for sexual innuendos  this thing is so sweet .
I'm feeling so refreshed and its such a  relief.
Keeping it quiet from the outside world wondering inside is he my guy am I his girl ?
See those days are gone for so many, and unfortunately the new generation wont even know this as a memory.
Text  message, instagram pictures taken and sent and lost in cyber space that crap is a trip
The innocence is gone and tainted just like the oceans with filth and frustration.

Smiling the whole time we are on the phone, day dreaming about the day we can be alone.
See the innocence is sweet like the honey from a honey comb, its fragrant and supple like the dew on a rose.
Reminds me of giggles and laughter  and when the phone rings my heart beats a little faster.
No time to multi-task  I sit still to listen , just to hear you ask me " How was your day " keeps me in a stage of reminiscence.
See only God knows just what we need, for  a life time or a season.  For right now the sound of innocence is what I'm breathin.....

Lets Keep Walking.........

Segway !!!

Have you ever spoken  to a Segwayer? Now what is a segwayer let me tell you : A segwayer is someone who  will ask you: how you were doing? and really didn't care  !!! They really only ask the question so that you can return the  question,  which leads into a segway of how they are doing . I love being a mom but when people ask how my sons are doing I say fine and  leave it ,because they really don't want to know how the boys are really doing. They just they just want the the door to open so that they can have a competitive conversation . Like if you say your child did something great they will find some one in their family that has done something greater, example "My son Johnny was on the honor roll"  they will say "Really my cousin jack jumped out of an air plane." Really ? Huh? how does that correlate? it doesn't !!!!!!!!A Segwayer doesn't need a rhyme or a reason to segway into their conversation they just do it. I got cursed out one time because I didn't open the door to a segwayer lol. I wont name the person but if they read it they will know who they are . They called me to go to the gym I said sure. They picked me up  and as we drove to the gym they proceeded to talk and I just listened ,  well they got mad  because I wouldn't entertain the open doors to a segway. Well to my surprise we never made it to the gym!! I got cursed out and they threaten to be put me out of the car because  I wouldn't  segway the conversation. So beware of Segwayers  they will get you if you don't open the door.  

Lets keep walking.......

A Mothers Song

When you were little you hid under my skirt
With sticky little hands and a face covered with dirt.
Eager to learn what was new on the Earth
Your little arms couldn't reach around the magnitude of its girth
You giggled with glee just when you would see me
You would hold my neck tight , when we said good night
Now my baby eagle just wants to take flight
We laughed for hours at how you wiggled your toes
Now my little eagle, all you ask for is clothes,
I would kiss your little face, and we would snuggle in one space
Now your all grown up
Your flying on your own
This is a crazy place you got me in a zone.
I don't know whether to smile or to cry

My baby eagle has learned how to fly......

lets keep walking......

Hieroglyphics

I found a gray hair in the top of my dome, I could have freaked but it has a story of its own. See every gray hair has a rhyme and a reason, I can probably name the time or the season. We color them, we pluck them, heck we buy Grecian formula. No matter what you do they are some unruly lil suckas. I've learned to embrace the silver strands they are walking me through the present, never forgetting the past. They don't mean you are old, that's just a state of  mind , doesn't mean your all wisdom because I've met some q-tips that couldn't tell their head from their behind. What they tell you is life if free and yet funny . Don't run from your hiero's embrace them like money. See your creator he knows all the hairs on your head, even the little ones

you have colored in red.

Vulnerability

Have you opened your heart ?have you opened your mind? have you made room in the clutter  to let Love's light shine? I ask this because we have come so far with technology yet move so far away from love. The pain is to much if Love hits you once. Get up and  do it again until your heart gets stuck. See generation X and many to follow see love as a microwave here today gone tomorrow. I look at long love the communication is deep I look at short love and the bond is so weak. Everyone wants it yet no one want the work. We walk away hopeless some look just like jerks. Don't give up on love its coming its true. I'm not just saying this for me Im' saying it for you too..........

Woman-knapped with a smile

Have you ever been woman-knapped? Well let me tell you its fun especially when its by some one not much older than you son. See one single night my youngest was out he was at his cousins for a movie night shout. I left on my phone because my oldest was home and until all was settled and all the doors locked I sleep with it on so that I can watch the clock. I heard a text message thought it was the baby ,but instead it was a grown man lets call him a " Maybe." See the maybe is young yet quite persistent, its kinda refreshing after walking this distance ( single mom over 40). He comes as a hunter from the mother land seeking to devour his next prey unfortunately for him I cannot play. I read the text message how hot and so wordy it didn't matter what he said it  just was so flirty. I responded with "wow" and fell back to sleep, until my text sound kept knocking he wanted to meet. I walked out the door looking natural as can be , see the crazy part is that's  how he likes to see me.  He said lets take a ride, I have no ID or phone I was saying to myself" um what if I need to get home?"  He asked was this crazy I had to admit "yes" but crazy isn't bad when you see the muscles in his chest. See a few days earlier it was raining and hot he took me in the ran and kissed me on that spot, Is this the first time that was done? I had to say "yes , "Oh my I wondering this thing is a mess. "We got to his house and we frolicked a little he tried all he had and I still gave him little. He looked me at side ways as if I was crazy how dear I say no to this boy NO THIS BABY!!! Now don't get me wrong his body is crazy, body so tight you could bounce a nickle OH MY my girls say how can you be so fickle? You see I'm alone not lonely and that makes a difference , its what allows me to keep him at a distance. Now this story may be true or maybe just  fiction no matter what it is you still like my diction......... lets keep walking.........

Mental Pause

Let me first start with yes I meant Mental Pause not Menopause even though sometimes there is a fine line between the two when life is happening. I had to take a mental pause a couple of days ago, my world seemed to be spinning out of place.
 Now for a moment Im going to speak to the ladies. There is something about hitting 35years of age that you begin to take a new perspective on life , but its something about those 40's !!! A time when your confidence level goes up and your tolerance level goes down. We are mothers, wives, daughters friends, co-workers, bread winners you name it we do it . How can you go through life and not pause and take a mental break?  Teacher , student, prayer warrior, lawyer (prosecuting and defending), doctor secretary you name it!!yet we must still have dinner on the table by 5pm.(Im just sayin ) . We develope health issues and dont understand WHY?  Cancer, tumors , depression, diabetes ...... they say you have to take care of yourself first. Who are these they's and why havent they helped us in finding that happy medium?

My mother always says she is going to write a book called things I learn from my daughter.

Mothers What are we teaching our SON'S??

Mothers What are we teaching our sons?
I ask this question because I really want to know, not just from the perspective of a single mom of 2 son's but as a woman who has dated so many babied men. My mother once told me " boys will always be there" the was true but as we grow we want men, yet we(mothers) are loving our sons and raising our daughters. What does that mean? We apply pressure to our girls tell them to have their own  but our boys we coddle we baby them we act as if we don't want them to leave, and sometimes he stands in as our man at the age of 5yrs old. When you SINGLE MOM are handling all of the bill do you show him, teach him, talk to him "YOUR SON" about what  your doing? or do you  just work harder not smarter to get him what he wants because you feel guilty that there is no father to assist raise him. Do you show him super woman? so that when he grows up he either looks to be mommied or  he rebels because you were so dominate  that any woman who comes to help he sees her as controlling. Mothers have you told your son's I'm mom and I will never be dad , I cant show you how to be a man, but I can guide you along the path on how a woman should be treated. Mothers do we just work and work and work yet he sees no product from your labor and your lights still get cut off ? so he decides he can make fast money in a fraction of the time because the struggle isn't worth it, and his life is worthless. Mothers do our son's have a  voice or do we shush them because we got this when in all actuality we don't. Mothers what are we teaching our son's about relationship? He is the prize instead of realizing he that findeth a wife findeth a good thing? My sons are my life long case studies to this question and I wonder :MOTHERS WHAT ARE WE TEACHING OUR SONS??????!!!!