Doing Everything with your Socks on!

Recently a great friend of mines came by the house to visit me while I'm on my journey. I always enjoy myself when I speak with her because, she has sons as well and knows my plight when it comes to living with all men. We were discussing Christmas gifts and if you have sons, are a son been around son's  live with any body that has the XY chromosome,you learn the older they get the more expensive their toy request becomes. Heaven forbid your youngest child is a male then  sky's the limit on what he may request. Firstly, because he knows your tired because the first ones have worn you down as well as, moms have a special heart for their boys and we a suckers for our babies. Let me take a breath that was allot.  OK moving forward She and I sat on the couch and she spoke about her tradition of buying underwear and socks for her sons every year, and then a puzzled look came across her face. She began to think aloud on how no matter how old her guys get they won't buy underwear, but they will buy socks. I did a quick run through in my head and realized the samething happens in my house. I will buy the guys underwear and T-shirts but they will buy their own socks. So as we laughed about it I realized men do everything but bathe in their socks. A situation will be hot and steamy and as you move close to the bed and he intensely removes your clothes and then his clothes drop to the floor. The time of hot sweaty intense love making takes place and then its over and BAM he still has on his socks!!! It will be summer time and  whether they are young or old they  have on named brand sandals and socks the only thing that differs is the single man socks from the married man socks. Now you all are wondering what are married man socks? Men let me tell you  if your socks go above your ankle at any time and are 3/4 up your calf you have been official labeled as wearing married man socks(Its an Melanieism) lol. Know lets take a look at price: elite socks are $14 a pop ( Elite are sports socks for football that I guess keep your feet cool or dry or something. I just know that is to high a price for 1 pair of socks). Now the Crazy socks are in style the crazier the sock  the more fashion forward you are. Look at business men now a days. The tie doesn't just tell the story of his personality anymore check out his socks(and shoes). I remember being younger and sitting with Levi Ruffin at some point ,him and my Uncle Butch are great  friends, and Levi told the story about the original super man and how he passed away. The moral of the story was he was  completely naked when he was found, but he still had on his socks.!!!  I remember speaking to a woman and she spoke about her and her husband when the were dating they would go to the beach and walk in the sand and he would wear his socks. She didn't know if he had a sixth toe or not he would always wear his socks. Women around the world, Men all want the same thing!!!They want the simple things in life, food, sex and socks lol .
Smooches
Lets Keep walking

At Times like this it gets REAL

Let me begin, I straightened my hair  to see how it looked before I began this part of my journey.  Now its back to curly because AINT nobody have time for that!!! I have had to embrace I am not my hair.

Today I was an out patient to have a mediport placed in my chest so that the chemo treatment can flow easily. I say this to tell you as I laid on the gurney in the prep room , I began to feel the real sensation that goes along with laying there. I must admit I didn't like it.You see as I have walked this journey out it seems surreal. I can only explain it as a out of body experience. I have the physical scars , but my spirit just keeps rising to the occasion and keeping me in perfect peace. I was laying in the hall on the gurney alone and a lady walked passed, as they wheeled her husband along side me she said" I never would have thought you were the patient when you walked in." I smiled at her and the nurse  said to her as they passed "you saw her when she came in?" and as I ear hustled (HEY I'M A MOM that's what we do) .She faintly stated "she was smiling when she came in....  "

As I was rolled to my destination I saw this really thin table and I was thinking who is suppose to lay on that with ALL A DIS????  The people were so nice they explained the procedure , gave me warm blankets then told me to get on this table that was the size of a balance beam ( OK I'm exaggerating but not much!!!) Now for those who know me , know I speak my mind with limited filtration, lol. I had to ask the nurse "what do you all do with really Fluffy patients?? " "she smiled and said we make it work" .

 They were just about to sedate me and my over 40 bladder kicked in all of a sudden, All I could think is, if I don't go before they sedate me this will not end pretty. I had to do a dismount off the balance beam and I nailed it, I could have been in the Olympics !! lol. I made it back to the table and the process began.  I started to think hmmmm Is this how it is on Greys Anatomy ?? the sedative was kicking in. Then The song by Fred Hammond played in my head " Clean Heart" Its so awesome that in those quiet times what's most dear to you floods your heart and mind, and it makes the process go smoothly ,kinda.First I could here them struggling to get the sedative in the IV . I was thinking Ya'll come on!!! Well then suture knot came out as the tried to sew the mediport under my skin so instead they GLUED  me back together  , honestly they used  glue to put me back together like Humpty Dumpty on this balance beam (Im just saying). Now keep in mind I'm loopy, but I can hear when something isn't going right. I wanted to laugh, because I hear "awe shoot the knot came a loose." REALLY??? lol and she didn't use her inside voice.

.I got dressed and my Auntie drove me home but as we drove we called my mom at work and she was elated my Auntie was there, she proceeds to tell me of a young lady she just met who has just Survived this journey. My mom shows her my picture and she said I was glowing. Mind you I'm loopy and I think maybe I'm glowing because I have had so much radioactive shots within this last week, I'M RADIOACTIVE!!!! I might be able to glow in the dark, that would be soooo cool. I get home and my oldest shows up at the same time. I kiss my Auntie Good bye . I get in the house and I'm talking to my oldest son he says" They gave you drugs ? " lol YEPPER . H E SAID GO SIT DOWN. I think that 21 yr old is having to much fun telling me what to do!! I guess he wasn't amused at his loopy mom. I get my Pj's on and get on the couch and my cover smells like Captain Crunch, What an awesome smell to fall asleep too.......

Let Keep walking ......

A Lovely Day!!!!!

Just one look at you and the worlds alright with me. Just one look at you and I know its gonna be  a Lovely DAAAAAAAAAAY!!!!!
I was having a moment the other day after the doctor told me I was going to have to get Chemo therapy. I got into my feelings ( which I do every time I visit the doctor lately. I thought I was prepared to hear it, then that moment arrives ; it hits you like a punch in the gut and you want to fall off the table and nausea sets in at the same time. I was informed of a genetic test I need to take  to make sure I don't have the mutated gene which can cause the cancer to come back  in my breast or ovaries... blah blah blah........  OK so speaking about the Doctors visit my Auntie Jean came i
nto town and graciously  escorted me to  my appointment. I asked if she could come into the room for the the post exam. I have realized lately I go numb when they go beyond " Hello". So the NP comes in and tells me her job is to keep me alive til I'm 100 yrs old. Cool I'm all for that. My Aunt interrupts the NP to tell her well  Jewish people are to live til 120yrs ummmmmmm Auntie we aren't Jewish , We might come from the Ebu tribe not the Hebrew tribe!!!. The  look on the NP's face is priceless, my family is funny.  After I go Numb from the information and feel as if In going to vomit from TMI. We leave, I get in the car and No I'm not OK. I need my 15 mins to cry like a baby then I will get over it, well this time it lasted 15mins then when I got home alone and I took 10 more mins to cry, I wanted to suck it up but I couldn't.... The thoughts that brought me to intense tears were my boys. My mom and Auntie explained they aren't babies anymore and to stop looking at them as little boys. This process will a guide them to become compassionate men. The women that they will marry, they will know how to treat them and be compassionate to them when the are weak. That was the moment  my tears dried up and I came to a calm place. See at one point I was crying about my boys having to go through it all ,  and if I had a mate , a husband, man(boy friend) friend somebody to help the boys through it I would feel better. ( Now don't get me wrong my JESUS ONLY friends and Fam, I know God Got this !!!!!!! RELAX!!! I was being human for a moment OKAY? OK!!).

   The day progressed on and I thought about the extended pity party I had and realized hmmmmmmmmm, if I was in a relationship and my "HIM" came home and asked me" had I been on the couch all day?" or Asked me" What did I do all day? " or say "So You haven't done anything today?" I realized I would break up with him on the spot, and  put him out!!!!(I dont argue) Which would make me single anyway lol. Soooooooo  my time alone is God ordained and well deserved. See God knows that this Lady Pit bull does bite so grrrrrrrrrrrrrr. lol
Lets keep walking............

His ways are not Our ways,AND His thoughts are not Our thoughts

I sit and giggle at the things I ask God for , or the silent whispers I say in my mind and how they must sound to him. I have gotten into those deep moments and cried out "Lord Use Me!!!!" Only to find out the way I meant it was : "Lord use me but , with conditions like, " I don't want anything major to happen to me or my family or people really close to me" and He says OK "Here walk through this test so that others can see your faith increase and I will get all of the Glory and praise." "UMMMMMM that's not what I meant God." OK let me try this again. "I think I want my boobs done. Lord help me save up enough money so that I can pull these working sand bags up. " God goes I will give you the desires if your heart.  I have a lump ? What I can get a mastectomy or a lumpectomy? UMMMMMMMM I really don't want my boobs done that bad. They can keep sleeping. Here I go again" Lord I am over it I'm not having anymore kids I'm having a hysterectomy!!!!! Lets set the date. ( silent prayer :Lord I don't want to do anything outside of your will, so lets make this happen.) UMMMMMMMMM what do you mean we have to cancel the surgery :??? AWE LAWD REALLY????? I have been told in the past by girlfriends I have a cell phone to God while others have a land line , I have also been told Melanie "Watch your mouth ,You know God moves quick." God has a serious sense of humor. I was talking to my cousin and we were saying don't pray for strength or patience. I know your looking at this strange, but as you can see  God is funny .. It is written patience bringth about tribulation so I shore won't ask for that, and strength I can only imagine that road. SO the next time you pray be ready for what comes your way!!!!!! He is so Awesome .. People look at God as this Big Mean I'm gonna get you sucka kinda presence. When in reality when you look around Laughter is like medicine to our bodies and souls. Love makes us grow... When you can't stand any more Kneel.. He has a perfect plan for your life....... Lets keep walking.....

Breast Cancer Awareness month

I'm sitting here waiting for my son to get out of his doctors appt.. I'm in a space not of fear but What the.....? I  had a mammogram experience and seeing how sexy and fun this was. All of those who know what I'm writing about, know I'm being facetious.The beauty of this MAN-made machine and yes I emphasized MAN!!! Because only a man would come up with an life saving invention for women that will put her in the most uncomfortable positions!!! Its something about putting my breast on a cold slab , have it compressed into a pancake as I smash my face up against a cold plastic duhickie ,that makes me grimace. The clincher is its performed at different angles !!!!! OUCH!!!!!! and the Technician says "Don't move" REALLY!!!!! WHERE AM I GOING WITH MY BOOB IN A VICE???!!!!Even though I'm complaining the words "we see something" makes the pain fade away.  Huh? What?  Knowing where my faith resides, lives and grows.  There is no fear just a numb......
Lets keep walking...

LOVE- Legs Open Very Easy

One day I heard Rev Run describe LOVE as Legs Open Very Easy,
That wasn't cheesy or sleazy as a matter of fact the words were  sweet   you see...

We show up and show Love  knowing we should be saving it, and that's instructions from above.

See women give their hearts and sometimes show LOVE , without  a ring or him wearing a glove. Doesn't matter if he is a business man or a thug.

She is searching for hugs , but to my surprise
When he slides between your thighs, we act surprised that he lies because
he is looking to survive.

The release just lingers as he moves his fingers across with no commitment
As he thinks "I'm gonna hit this"

Your pondering the time spent only to see he wont commit.

Girl only Show LOVE(LEGS OPEN VERY EASY) To the one who give you a ring no matter if its plain gold or filled with Bling, and he tells you" money ain't a thing"

forever promising to weather the storms and the norms

LOVE is a good thing when he gives you that eternal ring..... My bible says "He that findeth a wife findeth a good thing...."

Lets keep walking.......

When the Fin-a-le is the Be-gin-ning

Now your probably wondering why the title is broken up?
 Well isn't that how we feel when something isn't working? A marriage, a friendship , a job/ career.
Do we embrace it with the sweet savor? saying "welcome come here."
Or are we all torn apart inside because mostly it comes as a surprise.
 Walking out your journey  shows you how to look for the end, because what it really means is the beginning is about to BEGIN.
Now the look of confusion is well understood ,but take a flash back and look at those bad endings that turned out for your good.
You cried and you toiled many nights with many tears to only look back and see God carried you through those years.
I speak not from what I heard but from great experience too, My reflection is clear and  it makes me want to share it with you.
See I'm not looking for any sadness but with overwhelming Glee because my past was presented to groom and mold Me.
I thanked my ex for leaving and his silence sceamed (B-tch) .
Not knowing I was sincere I wasn't trying to being a witch.
The break up was painful dropped me to my knees only to realize God had this up his sleeve.
See the struggle was painful and I was so broken , I couldn't find the words thank God for my circle.
 I had great wisdom speak into my ear he said "you will thank him later with no sorrow  and with no tears."
 I thank God for wisdom his is awesome a young  only to tell you he is the father of 2 sons.
Now I'm not  writing this moment to put any one on blast.
 I'm writing to tell you to smile at your past.
See now as I look back on this 5 year journey I'm truly reminded to leave your past on that gurney.
Its dead and it over the Finale has come, Now look straight ahead because the Beginning has won!!!!

Lets keep walking......

Innocence

Feeling like I'm 14, late night conversations on the phone.
Technology hasn't perverted  the essence of our conversation
 we use words instead of text messages or PlayStation.
Back in the day  we would sit on the phone to here each other breathe,
 those days were long gone  only to return what a sweet relief
 Late night conversations filled with innocence and curiosity

No room for sexual innuendos  this thing is so sweet .
I'm feeling so refreshed and its such a  relief.
Keeping it quiet from the outside world wondering inside is he my guy am I his girl ?
See those days are gone for so many, and unfortunately the new generation wont even know this as a memory.
Text  message, instagram pictures taken and sent and lost in cyber space that crap is a trip
The innocence is gone and tainted just like the oceans with filth and frustration.

Smiling the whole time we are on the phone, day dreaming about the day we can be alone.
See the innocence is sweet like the honey from a honey comb, its fragrant and supple like the dew on a rose.
Reminds me of giggles and laughter  and when the phone rings my heart beats a little faster.
No time to multi-task  I sit still to listen , just to hear you ask me " How was your day " keeps me in a stage of reminiscence.
See only God knows just what we need, for  a life time or a season.  For right now the sound of innocence is what I'm breathin.....

Lets Keep Walking.........

Segway !!!

Have you ever spoken  to a Segwayer? Now what is a segwayer let me tell you : A segwayer is someone who  will ask you: how you were doing? and really didn't care  !!! They really only ask the question so that you can return the  question,  which leads into a segway of how they are doing . I love being a mom but when people ask how my sons are doing I say fine and  leave it ,because they really don't want to know how the boys are really doing. They just they just want the the door to open so that they can have a competitive conversation . Like if you say your child did something great they will find some one in their family that has done something greater, example "My son Johnny was on the honor roll"  they will say "Really my cousin jack jumped out of an air plane." Really ? Huh? how does that correlate? it doesn't !!!!!!!!A Segwayer doesn't need a rhyme or a reason to segway into their conversation they just do it. I got cursed out one time because I didn't open the door to a segwayer lol. I wont name the person but if they read it they will know who they are . They called me to go to the gym I said sure. They picked me up  and as we drove to the gym they proceeded to talk and I just listened ,  well they got mad  because I wouldn't entertain the open doors to a segway. Well to my surprise we never made it to the gym!! I got cursed out and they threaten to be put me out of the car because  I wouldn't  segway the conversation. So beware of Segwayers  they will get you if you don't open the door.  

Lets keep walking.......

A Mothers Song

When you were little you hid under my skirt
With sticky little hands and a face covered with dirt.
Eager to learn what was new on the Earth
Your little arms couldn't reach around the magnitude of its girth
You giggled with glee just when you would see me
You would hold my neck tight , when we said good night
Now my baby eagle just wants to take flight
We laughed for hours at how you wiggled your toes
Now my little eagle, all you ask for is clothes,
I would kiss your little face, and we would snuggle in one space
Now your all grown up
Your flying on your own
This is a crazy place you got me in a zone.
I don't know whether to smile or to cry

My baby eagle has learned how to fly......

lets keep walking......

Hieroglyphics

I found a gray hair in the top of my dome, I could have freaked but it has a story of its own. See every gray hair has a rhyme and a reason, I can probably name the time or the season. We color them, we pluck them, heck we buy Grecian formula. No matter what you do they are some unruly lil suckas. I've learned to embrace the silver strands they are walking me through the present, never forgetting the past. They don't mean you are old, that's just a state of  mind , doesn't mean your all wisdom because I've met some q-tips that couldn't tell their head from their behind. What they tell you is life if free and yet funny . Don't run from your hiero's embrace them like money. See your creator he knows all the hairs on your head, even the little ones

you have colored in red.

Vulnerability

Have you opened your heart ?have you opened your mind? have you made room in the clutter  to let Love's light shine? I ask this because we have come so far with technology yet move so far away from love. The pain is to much if Love hits you once. Get up and  do it again until your heart gets stuck. See generation X and many to follow see love as a microwave here today gone tomorrow. I look at long love the communication is deep I look at short love and the bond is so weak. Everyone wants it yet no one want the work. We walk away hopeless some look just like jerks. Don't give up on love its coming its true. I'm not just saying this for me Im' saying it for you too..........

Woman-knapped with a smile

Have you ever been woman-knapped? Well let me tell you its fun especially when its by some one not much older than you son. See one single night my youngest was out he was at his cousins for a movie night shout. I left on my phone because my oldest was home and until all was settled and all the doors locked I sleep with it on so that I can watch the clock. I heard a text message thought it was the baby ,but instead it was a grown man lets call him a " Maybe." See the maybe is young yet quite persistent, its kinda refreshing after walking this distance ( single mom over 40). He comes as a hunter from the mother land seeking to devour his next prey unfortunately for him I cannot play. I read the text message how hot and so wordy it didn't matter what he said it  just was so flirty. I responded with "wow" and fell back to sleep, until my text sound kept knocking he wanted to meet. I walked out the door looking natural as can be , see the crazy part is that's  how he likes to see me.  He said lets take a ride, I have no ID or phone I was saying to myself" um what if I need to get home?"  He asked was this crazy I had to admit "yes" but crazy isn't bad when you see the muscles in his chest. See a few days earlier it was raining and hot he took me in the ran and kissed me on that spot, Is this the first time that was done? I had to say "yes , "Oh my I wondering this thing is a mess. "We got to his house and we frolicked a little he tried all he had and I still gave him little. He looked me at side ways as if I was crazy how dear I say no to this boy NO THIS BABY!!! Now don't get me wrong his body is crazy, body so tight you could bounce a nickle OH MY my girls say how can you be so fickle? You see I'm alone not lonely and that makes a difference , its what allows me to keep him at a distance. Now this story may be true or maybe just  fiction no matter what it is you still like my diction......... lets keep walking.........

Mental Pause

Let me first start with yes I meant Mental Pause not Menopause even though sometimes there is a fine line between the two when life is happening. I had to take a mental pause a couple of days ago, my world seemed to be spinning out of place.
 Now for a moment Im going to speak to the ladies. There is something about hitting 35years of age that you begin to take a new perspective on life , but its something about those 40's !!! A time when your confidence level goes up and your tolerance level goes down. We are mothers, wives, daughters friends, co-workers, bread winners you name it we do it . How can you go through life and not pause and take a mental break?  Teacher , student, prayer warrior, lawyer (prosecuting and defending), doctor secretary you name it!!yet we must still have dinner on the table by 5pm.(Im just sayin ) . We develope health issues and dont understand WHY?  Cancer, tumors , depression, diabetes ...... they say you have to take care of yourself first. Who are these they's and why havent they helped us in finding that happy medium?

My mother always says she is going to write a book called things I learn from my daughter.

Mothers What are we teaching our SON'S??

Mothers What are we teaching our sons?
I ask this question because I really want to know, not just from the perspective of a single mom of 2 son's but as a woman who has dated so many babied men. My mother once told me " boys will always be there" the was true but as we grow we want men, yet we(mothers) are loving our sons and raising our daughters. What does that mean? We apply pressure to our girls tell them to have their own  but our boys we coddle we baby them we act as if we don't want them to leave, and sometimes he stands in as our man at the age of 5yrs old. When you SINGLE MOM are handling all of the bill do you show him, teach him, talk to him "YOUR SON" about what  your doing? or do you  just work harder not smarter to get him what he wants because you feel guilty that there is no father to assist raise him. Do you show him super woman? so that when he grows up he either looks to be mommied or  he rebels because you were so dominate  that any woman who comes to help he sees her as controlling. Mothers have you told your son's I'm mom and I will never be dad , I cant show you how to be a man, but I can guide you along the path on how a woman should be treated. Mothers do we just work and work and work yet he sees no product from your labor and your lights still get cut off ? so he decides he can make fast money in a fraction of the time because the struggle isn't worth it, and his life is worthless. Mothers do our son's have a  voice or do we shush them because we got this when in all actuality we don't. Mothers what are we teaching our son's about relationship? He is the prize instead of realizing he that findeth a wife findeth a good thing? My sons are my life long case studies to this question and I wonder :MOTHERS WHAT ARE WE TEACHING OUR SONS??????!!!!

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Have you ever had a time where in the middle of the night the Lord wakes you up and begins to show you something? I'm having that moment right now.  When the 15minutes of fame are up and the flowers you have walked on are dried up. There is something about that intimate relationship with him that  brings us back to center.  He will speak to your heart and mind, allot of times we don't want to here what is being said because it doesn't fit into our plans, but when you look at it from a position of selflessness you will see that everything is working together for your good.

Beware of old patterns disguising themselves in new bodies.

Walking through flowers

The door opens he greats you with flower petals  sprinkled gently on the floor,  he tells you " your a queen and flowers should be tossed at your feet. You walk in and he opens a bottle of wine he knows just what you like as you move towards the couch. He massages your feet and move closer just so that you can inhale his effervescence . He steals a kiss, but because of the suppleness  of his lips you don't mind. He turns off the light and lights a candle to change the atmosphere. Is this real ? this only happens in books from what you have read. He turns on the music and ask for your hand and leads you in to a dance. Slowly back and forth you move while his embrace squeezes you harder. Are those his arms? The feeling of security in his embrace you exhale and flow with the moment. The dance has come to an end and now back to the couch, sensual conversation as you sit straddled across his muscular thighs , he lifts you and carries you into the room of forbidden passion. The intensity of the smells, flesh on flesh. Sounds fill the air that hang like a whole note on a music sheet. Back and forth your bodies explode yet he never loosens his hold. Your breathing in sync...................... Was this real or just out of a book? you decide.......................... lets keep walking.

15 minutes of Fame

Have you ever encountered a situation that put you in the spot light? The spot light experience was temporal but it was your 15 minutes of fame! How did you maximize your 15 minutes? Did you even know that's what it was at the time? did you miss the opportunity to excel or did you just let it ride? The reason I ask is I have encountered 15 minutes of fame. See I have had it before but I missed the opportunity to maximize the situation, I was in the midst of being processed so I repelled and rejected everything that existed in that moment. I was suspicious and rightfully so yet immature in my development so instead of riding the  wave of the 15 mins, I either became to eager and put my hands on it and it fizzled and caused great disappointment or I was scared of what might happen if I embraced it and shunned it away hoping that I wouldn't feel anything from the loss that might have followed.

WELL TODAY IS A NEW DAT DAWNING, I'm living in my 15 mins of fame  right now , could I be talking about graduation , nope not at all, then what? See I have been single for quite a few years and no one had approached me. I began to wonder did my breath smell ? I know I shower daily so whats my issue. I was being processed to be able to think clearly in my 15 minutes of fame. See I wasn't ready in the past for any one to come into my life, no matter how much I thought I was ready .  I was hidden in the clef of a rock with wings surrounding me like a caterpillar in a cocoon.I was still living but not fully developed into a butterfly. I wanted to come out of my cocoon sooner than needed, but had I done that all of my struggles and pressing forward wouldn't have been able to form me into who I am today. Where am I going with this? Well I'm finally out of my shell I am spreading my wings and soaring through my 15 mins. Now the question might be what put you in the spot light ?what do I call fame? At one point on this journey  I encountered 4 different men, NOW I have your attention huh?.  One I hadn't known long but something about his conversation intrigued me. He was quite aware that if you get into a woman's head she was open to just about anything. Like I told my oldest son who is dating" If you feel a woman's mind she will give you her behind." Well apparently this gentleman's mother told him the same thing. Then there was a friend from way back he was always cool and we "kicked it " back in the day he was always respectful never "tried it" and we eventually just walked away no hard feeling it just fizzled, but social media reacquainted us  and the conversation was funny but combative. Then I one day was in the grocery store just minding my own business and here comes this really really REALLY young guy trying to get at me. Now after my initial shock of " are you talking to me?" I was truly flattered that he thought he could play in Division 1 from the little leagues . Some one recently asked me how does it make me feel when men in their 20's approach me ? I told them I'm truly flattered, but I don't play in Division 3  games, I'm strictly Division 1 and if you want to play in the big leagues you have to be game ready. We don't share players in Division 1 you only get traded and we don't have room for rookies. Now my last but not least 15 min extraordinaire is someone I was crushing on in my youth and vice versa but we never said anything except until recently. Now why do I call this 15 minutes of fame? because it fizzes out and depending on what direction you take,  it can keep the spot light on you but  it might bring drama or it could die out and you go back to the private life you originally lived , while some may forget your name. How do I proceed? Well its something about a face to face encounter that can help you decide. Within a matter of days after face to face's,   decisions have been made people are dropping off like flies and there  was  one left . The one I cant see face to face and at times that is good, because all we can do is use our words and imaginations forming a place within that could only be filled with intimacy with justified fantasies which are now  illusions. BIG SIGH!!! Lets keep walking..........................bye 15 minutes.................................

Really????

You know your a bad shut your mouth when  you come to work and get a compliment on your fashion from a gay man!!! I'm so flattered ! Why? because who knows women fashion better then gay men?? I went to work today and was doing my work when my co-worker..... lets call him "lovey face."  Lovey Face comes in and says hello like he always does, he  sits at his desk and like normal he looks and observes his surroundings. Then he focuses on my shoes, He said he didn't like wedges but these shoes are hot. I was like OK , thank you lovey face !!! Well it gets better Y'all he took out his camera phone and said I have to take a picture of those shoes to send to my boyfriend. OK NOW I HAVE ARRIVED!!!!!!!!!!!!


Sexy mom has arrived!!!!!!!!!!! lol

Moving forward I reconnected with a friend from 25 plus years  and when we were in high school we were the same height. Now we still haven't  seen each other face to face, but according to his calculations he is now 4" taller than I am . Really ?????? So I took a picture of my shoe and asked him "would I be taller than him or his height ?" He said he would be taller.   Now we all know men lie about their height women lie about their weight?? I'm just sayin!!!

Just a dream

Black as the night is long, watching you glide in your stride

Teeth white as pearls you attract all the girls. 

Confident in your approach yet gentle in your stroke , it was music to my ears when we spoke. 

Muscles so brown so round baby how can I be down.  The length of your lashes

the roundness of your lips always in position to approach for a kiss. You  will never

know the vibe I feel when you walk by.. 

Age plays no part ,as we start to wander into a place of eternal abyss.

 The alarm has rung and the dream is done

 time to wake up and start my day

 only long to rush back home and continue this play....... 

No matter how real it seems

when reality hits its still just  A DREAM . NITE......

Women are Beautiful

Today while working, I had to take a walk to another destination and as I was walking I had a thought. "Yeah I do that " thinking "thing sometimes." I thought how beautiful women truly are. I'm speaking on a  physical stand point. As I grow further into maturity I discover how beautiful we are from the crown of our heads to the souls of our feet. Our bodies are naturally soft and curvy, We walk in high heels and our strut can not be mimicked . Our hips naturally sway from side to side as we glide to and fro. What a wonderful world , to be able to influence a nation with just the arch of our backs and a flash of our smile.When I listen to the words of Beyonce's song girls run the world and when she says " My persuasion can build a nation, endless power,you'll do anything for me"  true statement  !!!! Given the right training to work the tools we have been equip with, raises the GDP in a community. The saying "behind every successful man is a good woman" is also true. Some take offense to standing behind, but if you really look at it, that's a place where you can watch and whisper in his ear, his next move .  He makes the millions to bring home to you at the end of the day. (OK I went to the left I'm going back on track please excuse the side bar)
Women come in all shapes and sizes colors and races and no matter where you go you will see beauty.  Ladies embrace your stance and don't let anyone tell you your being vain if :you  get your hair done and wear make up. You wear clothes that flow against  your curves , leaving just enough mystery to make "him " continue to chase you. Embrace your wiggles because
"Real women jiggle" and men love to watch the movement , heck women like to watch other women. When you are comfortable in your skin and your sexuality , you have no hesitation in saying "she" is beautiful wow! Do you get the picture?

Dont ask don tell!!!!

Have you ever had one of those days, weeks, months heck moments where there is nothing tangible in your grasp yet there is something there ohhhhhh yeah the something is indescribable. Ok so your reading and asking what is she babbling about today. I cant really speak directly on it but, read between the lines.

 Woman and you have raised your children or is raising your children and you have dedicated your life to building and nurturing phenomenal offspring, when you look up you haven't lived your life. Your life was consumed with being dedicated to them and your reward is seeing them become "successful" what ever that word means in your world. Yet you realize you have to start to enter the dating  world which is scary on so many levels. Now I come from the generation where people lie by omission. They omit things like , they are in a relationship or should I say ummmm married or that the baby mom's is really MRS. ______. I'm not saying everyone is doing it but it happens more that not. You may be asking " where are you going" OUTSIDE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 I'm prepared to handle that, but what I have just learned  is the younger generation of fabulously , sexy , hot 2 year olds( meaning 20-30 year old menzzzzzz) are from the don't ask don't tell generation. Now let me clear up what I mean ,  the young ones are approaching mature sexy women, looking to learn somethings only woman over 40 can teach them (wink). You can have fun with them and don't get me wrong if you sleep one might catch you!! not all of them are walking around with their pants hanging low and mumbling !!!! trust me!!!!! But if you don't ask the right question you will not get the right answer. Now your not just worrying about the DL brothas, but the don't ask don't tell honeys. Now you may ask why are you talking to  someone in their 20's or 30's ? because they love women not in their 20's ,and the loving 40's don't wont want a  broken one tooth wonder. Just like men we like shiny new  vibrant  sexy ...... need I say more? This isn't your grandmother's 40's trust and believe that. This is a new breed of sexy!!!!

 Now if that isn't enough I keep hearing Stella get your groove on ,but if you really know the out come of the story this was a don't ask don't tell situation. she didn't ask was he gay? and he didn't tell her he was!!!!
I'm at a place in my life that if I ask you for something small just do it, sounds selfish and possibly like a drama queen but I AM  and you have to love me for it.
Now my thought is if your not at least 10 years older than my oldest  and dog years don't count!!! then I can only look but not touch.

Young ones if you want to keep the attention of a woman that is no longer in her 20's . Learn enough to teach her something  and you may be rewarded.

SMOOCHES!!!!!!!!!!

UnComfortable Zone

Im walking out my journey in private publicly. Now  you may be saying how is that possible? Well here is what I mean. The only way my journey could be known is if I tell it. I choose to tell it through this blog, but not every thing can be written. Nor should everything be written  or disclosed, but as I walk out this journey I'm asking you to walk with me.

Its 6:51 am and its my private time with Jesus. I read some scriptures and pray, then there are those days where I don't follow a routine because the Holy spirit tells me to take another direction. Today is one of those days.   I have taken each day as they come, but my routine is no longer comfortable. What am I speaking about? Its hard to explain. Have you ever been in a place where the pressure from inside wants to explode to the outside and everything gets more and more intense with every step you take. You know something is going on in the spirit realm, but all you can do is put one foot in front of the other. Yet you have no idea what direction you are walking in. Your in an uncomfortable zone!!!! How awesome is that space? its scary because you don't know where you are going , but you know something great is coming down the pipe line. You know this is your season to reap what you have sown. God is Working "it" out . I know I sound like I'm babbling on but only if I could explain what is going on in this intimate space I share with him.

I am still writing this thesis and it is due very , very , very soon and my comfort zone has been shifted. I have never taken this long to write a paper, but I had to clean out my house (my residence ) before I could continue to write. I wasn't even able to breath  until my Auntie came and helped me remove unwanted things. Do you see how it correlates to out spiritual lives? We cant clean out our stuff by ourselves and we become uncomfortable in that old clutter and mess that at one time didn't bother us. I am being challenged  and stretched and I can now breath in that clutter free space. How does clutter affect us mentally? physically? and emotionally? Clean out the clutter ! The familiar place isn't always a good place and the uncomfortable zone its bad by any stretch of the imagination.

I'm going to an event that is speaking to women about living a purpose driven life and the organization is called Comfort Zone for Women, but its a place to help women come out of their comfort zone. Stretching, reaching and expanding themselves. No longer defining themselves as the mother of or the wife of , but being whom They were purposed to be beyond those titles!!! Lets keep walking and don't forget to live and breath as we walk this out………..

Withholding nothing

Have you ever encountered a time or times in your life when you feel that your secret places need to be exposed, but who could you trust with those place? Can you tell a person who is really close ? possibly , but it will no longer be a secret when you tell another person. I have come to a place where I need my secret places to be exposed and my vulnerability to be cradled with love. How can I do that with holding nothing? I bow down to my most high God and I surrender all to you! With holding .

I'm in a place of feeling alone, but I know I'm not alone. I write funny true to life stories, but there are times I stray from the one thing that keeps me grounded. Life happens and time flies by and it becomes frustrating, because at my own strength I fail every time.  When I stop and take large breathes; in and out, I begin to capture the essences of the very being that  I owe everything to, My Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. While life is happening I can hear him speak to my heart, giving me his Holy word. Like a tornado I'm in a whirlwind, yet he places me in the eye of the storm to show me peace(withholding nothing).

I had forgotten to walk in faith and life was becoming over whelming to me.Where is my trust in him, where is my patience in his promise.  I was running from here to there trying to fill this thing within me as I hid my secret places from my own self. I realized I had stopped living. I was going day to day, work , home , work  home sometimes hanging out with the girls,but I couldn't tell them much of what I was going through and my conversation became superficial. The view of the world had begun to ring on every side of me. Why are you waiting til your married, get a friend , buy a toy!!!, so once you finish school then what? Your how old ?   Are you sitting for the CPA exam? Oh your move was lateral ? You want to marry?why? you love who? why? I don't have to answer any of these questions, why? because I had to remember my life is not my own. I must refocus and walk by faith, listen as he speaks and I've seen his work before I don't have to know the plan. Sovereign God

Withholding nothing with in my secret place

, I can breathe , Big Sigh.
I again Lord Surrender all to you, with holding nothing.


This ring represents the promises of God on my life
Chocolate diamond unique like me with lots of beautiful baguettes all around representing the promises I will see and some I may never see like Abraham. as they cascade down the band representing a complete circle of infinity.Promises to my children, my children's children and beyond…. Lets keep walking while adding Living to the plan…...

Family make me crazy but I LOVE them …..

Sunday March 9th  one of the babies in my family was dedicated back to the Lord. I love this part because we realize they are on loan to us , we are just stewards over them so that they can walk in there purpose. Well my family will get together if someone screws in a light bulb , we will find any reason to get together. We usually gather at Kimmie's house and just hang out.

Well after this precious lil person was dedicated ( AVA DO ) we gathered together bringing food. You know a gathering isnt complete without Food. How awesome is it when food brings us together and my family members are pretty healthy eaters well not that day!!!! the sherbet  punch, bacon, sausage, sticky buns , brownies, salad, veggie lasagna,cake, egg muffins filled with broccoli, grape juice, orange  juice, champagne, wine , cucumber water …… We feasted and everyone  in the fam wasn't there, yet we still filled every seat. Well after everyone was full and satisfied the games begun!!!!! what game was that? All this single ladies please stand up!!! I only thought other cultures did this ,but not the African American culture. We create traditions and our new one is it lets single out who's single!!!! Oh Mel that's you ,another family event and your solo.

Well if it only  stopped there, It was light heart and funny, but what many don't understand at the appointed time whether I never leave my house, if I'm walking into a store, or even just driving down the street, he will find me. All I hear is well you wont meet him if your in the house, how do you know? He can be delivering a package to my door!! I KNOW MY FAMILY LOVES ME, but I'm not going to let just anyone in my space. When you meet someone it doesn't take all day to know whether they will waste your time or not. I'm not from the fake it generation, I'm from the what you see is what you get generation and its scary lol.

I was told to have as many male friends as female friends, well that not an easy thing to do. How many single straight men just want to be your friend? (maybe after he has smashed it and you decide  mutually naw lets just be friends). Plus if your a red hot chili pepper surrounding yourself with toys will tempt you(me ) to play with at least one(I'm just sayin) . So people  Some single people are willing to wait. PS my sister in love was giving me love advice. UMMMM I know who she married ………… ,Lets walk forward……...

Refocus, back on my journey

Hi Everyone, We are in the month of march already!!! can you believe it? Well I didn't do anything I needed to do in February I decided to take the month off and just have fun, stepping out of my comfort zone and letting my hair down. I joined a dating website (disaster gone wild). How ironic the people I met in February were left  in February. All communication ceased as of Feb 28 2014. I moved to a new position at work which requires me to come into the office. That's a huge leap after, working 4 years at home  and it was a lateral move. The funny part with that is when people ask was that a promotion? and I say no it was a lateral move, they get this tone in their voice like awe you poor thing. Why do people do that? Yes more money would be awesome, but sometime the experience becomes priceless. People please stop doing that !!!!!!!!!

I have to get back to finishing my thesis so that I can complete this degree, but before I began writing that, I had to post this. While on the dating site I was pinged by about 20 vanilla brotha's ,and only 5 mocha brothas. The weeding process wasn't hard, Ladies if you want to see if a guy is going to stay or leave tell him your not going to have sex til your married. Move your ear from the phone because the click might be a little loud . hahahahhhhahahahhhaa.

I was up front and honest and I found out that's not wanted either, so I'm going to go back to what I originally said I was going to do in 2014 , just focus on me and walk out my journey and enjoy this walk. Yeah this wasn't my normal funny blog, but I was disappointed on the results. Why because in all of the  pings I gave a mocha brotha a chance and he was the worst one of them all . I was so disappointed . God said we are to help babies and fools and he wasn't a baby. I haven't dated a mocha in 14 yrs and my heart sank at his actions. Which proves my point, keep your virtue and you lose nothing .  When the Vanilla brothas pinged me I had to ask had they dated sistas before? and the consensus was no. So I ran into a girl friend and  told her my experience and she said she was encountering the same thing?? How crazy is that then she mentioned "SCANDAL" the television show. Well big ups to Kerri Washington and Shondra Rimes lol because  the Hot Chocolate Spice is on the radar lol. We have always been on the map now in our 15 mins of fame we are on the radar. Are the Vanilla Brothas  curious? YES they have always been , but not brave enough to step up. They felt the boardroom experience would be compromised. I will tell the world we are not the one tooth rag on the head wearing "who da whats" you see on television interviews. We are  EXTREMELY INTELLIGENT, EXTREMELY SEX, EXTREMELY ARTICULATE AND EXTREMELY LOYAL. OUR STOCK PRICES HAVE GONE UP, IN THE BOARDROOM TO THE BEDROOM!!! SO YOU BETTER INVEST!!! Lets keep walking……………..

One Day off

Today I played legal hooky, I requested the day off because I had been under the weather for about 2 weeks. What made me that way ? well I had worked from home for about  4 years, and I can only compare it to taking  lil person to day care , my body has to get use to being back with all of my wonderful colleagues. Now even though I love my people I'm use to being home, doing laundry on my lunch break and washing the dishes, sweeping , sitting out side in the summer  on a really hot day while on my breaks. I must confess it was glorious, but I moved to a new position and I had to go into the office.

One of my great conveniences was having a powder room in the same area , its private I don't even have to share it with my fabulous offspring. Well that has changed. I now have to go down the street turn two blocks hop a fence and fight a dragon to go now!!!!!!! OK I'm exaggerating, but it feels like I'm walking the green mile to get there, and when your not well IT GETS EVEN FURTHER!!!!!.

Well I remembered I had a pet peeve with  public bathrooms. What is it?? well you know how you walk into the bath room and there are 200 stalls  and you go to the 200th stall and all the other stalls are open. You prepare for your private time and someone walks in and sits in stall 199!!!!!!!!! REALLY PEOPLE!!!! UGGGGGGGGG MAJOR MAJOR MAJOR pet peeve.  Anyone who knows me knows I have silly quirks and they make me who I am. (WINK)


I took today off to recoup and it was well appreciated, I hooked up with one of my besties who was off too what a coincidence and we had girl time over food!!! you can't beat that.

Sometimes we just need one day off, to get back on our grind! Lets rest today and start walking tomorrow……..

Online dating

Hi everyone!!!!

Yes I have tried to join the new way to meet people. I have tried the online experience and I must say I have mixed reviews. I tried two different sites and I liked one better than the other. Why did I like over the other or even why did I do it?

Its hard meeting someone, and I seem to attract the Jeromes !!!! you know the geri curl wearing gold tooth having "girl what'cha talking bout" guys. As flattering as that is NOT!!!!!!!!!!! I struggle meeting new men. I'm a lil shy when it come to it, and I want to run and hide sometimes. I'm usually introduced to the person by a friend or acquaintance. Very really does it just happen on the fly and when it has I was approached by bootleg ex con who doesn't know the day he was released eeeeeekkkkkkk!!!!!!!

I at one point  I gave up, if its not a mama's boy, its the napoleon complex, over confident, insecure bugga boo's. So I decided in secret to go online. I did it and I figured since it stated that the person may be a christian that hey this may be ok. I must first say the experience is an ego booster , you get allot of hits but when you look at who hit you , you almost want to cry. Where in my profile did it say I wanted to meet Methuselah?  Snagga puss,  nursing home candidates. Im not into changing diapers on any grown person!!!!lol. I closed that profile last year and recently tried it again. Well this site was better because the people seem to be more real. The pings went from funny do darn right out spooky!!!! some one said " don't be scared"  ummmm delete!!!!!

I deleted the profile, but would I recommend it yes!! its fun!!

Oh did I mention the day I tried to delete the profile it wouldn't let me and right after I was pinged by one of the best conversationalist that keeps me smiling…….. to be continued. hahahahahhha lets keep walking.

Friendship part 2

I was sitting one day and I wondered what did all of my girlfriends have in common? Now I want to inform you, I'm very particular about who I allow in my space on a "love you "level.  I take a long time to allow someone in my heart space, but once your there it would take something drastic to have you removed from my space, but your never removed from my heart. Well that's how I feel about my girl friends. Good girlfriends are hard to find, so when you find a few holding on to them and loving them is VERY important.

Getting back to my girls , I was trying to see why we were all friends, and what was the common strand that holds us together. It dawned on me and they are going to kill me for saying this , but we are women who love the Lord and have extra over the top sex drives lol hahahahahahahhahaa.

The fact that we love the Lord more!!! keeps us in a place of waiting until we are married before we indulge in that miraculous intimate exercise , but if it wasn't for our faith, I could only imagine how we would act. SMH

See I have watched many shows about how men think about sex every 2 seconds or every 2 minutes which ever it is, and how women think of it once every 30 days or something stupid like that. WHO ARE THEY INTERVIEWING FOR THESE STATS????????. I m going to tell you they havent interviewed my crew hahahahahahhah we cant get through a conversation without it coming up. We talk about it all the time, hahahahahahah.  We actually compare how long its been since the last time . An some are rounding a decade, but let me reassure you the " red hot chilly pepper" is still in affect !!!!! trust there are no cob webs there !!!!!! I only pity the man who gets us to say I DO!!!! LOL he will need to take a leave of absence from work, to recover from one of the red hot pepper crew members. lol

OK I'm to candid for some , but I tell the truth of most.  I love my girls  we are the HOLY ROLLER RED HOT CHILI PEPPERS!!!

I DONT FEEL LIKE IT!!!!!!

I have  heard from both of my boys on different occasions the words" I don't feel like it." Now me being the mother I am understoods the context of the phrase but my reaction may have not expressed my  understanding.

Let start with mom's precious baby boy, some of you have seen me refer to him as my Pooder Doo and he will always be that to me, but when my male child said to his single parenting mother "I don't feel like it" Pooder became #@$%$#@$#^%$&%&^(^*&(*&(*_)(*()*+)_( please what did you say!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!?????????????????????????????. ( I didn't swear but that would have fit the moment. LOL.
I said you don't feel like it, well I don't feel like paying the mortgage , gas bill, phone bill, grocery shop what else you got?!!  I told him get out of your feelings don't no body give a " FLYING FIG NEWTON " about your feeling. I m glad you have them and I have always expressed its OK to show them, but you cant live by them. Your going to be a man one day and your feelings can't determine your destiny. Unfortunately I have seen to many men and I'm sorry if you feel offended but , as a woman I have seen to many men not so much say I don't feel like it, but live the phrase out. I don't feel like opening the door  for you, I don't feel like fixing this , I don't feel like going to work, I dont feel like moving out of my mama's house (oops did I say that?) the only ones offended are the ones that it apply to so either say ouch or amen hahahahahahah.

Getting back to the topic as I raise boys to men, "I don't feel like it" does not translate to mandom!!!!!!!

Now my other child  Doopsey doo another precious miracle I've been blessed with, he is working on finishing his associates to move over to his Bachelors I'm so proud, but he said  the phrase " I don't feel like it" to me.  My head spun around and almost detached from  my neck.  I told him because he is a little older " DON'T NO BODY CARE !!!!!!!!" about your feeling, your in mandom and get out of your feelings they don't apply when it comes to business!!!!!!! I realized I had over reacted and went back and asked him to come and sit with me on the couch.  See he was dragging his feet on getting his application in to a 4 year university so I spoke to him in his language( his pockets)

I told him that if he isn't in school in the fall he will have to have 1 full time job or 2 part-time jobs which ever one he prefers he will have to do 40hrs, theN pay me $350 in rent, the light bill, his own groceries and toiletries plus his cell bill. Or he could be in school full time working part time and he just have to pay the light bill (I don't believe in any man living rent free in your home if your a single mom). Well needless to say he spoke with the university person. He found out he has to stay where he is one more semester take 3 more classes before he will be accepted into the program he wants. He said "I don't feel like... staying there one more semester ,but  he is proceeding forward and he isn't  in his feelings!!!!!!! A mothers love never dies.

Queen Slave Mom lady!!!

I realized today this is the title I hold proudly!!! Others may chose to just be called  "mom." Why do I like this title? Because I have two sons who love me very much and whom I love more than words could ever discribe.
I worked from home many years and though they had keys they would come up missing.well the other day the Doopster forgot his key (it was in his pants pocket, the ones he was wearing) and couldn't get into the house til I got home. Once he gets home he tells me, if you got off earlier we could have gotten your gift. How sweet! I get to drive him to the place he was getting my gift from.
My Pooder doo is growing faster than my wallet can handle. He needed a new winter coat and I had the privilege of getting it for him, while he asked for new jeans,and shirt(he only got the coat).
At those wonderful times I forget about being a Queen, but then I walked in the door and  my laundry is folded and on my bed in a neat pile because of Doop, then I hear mom what do you want for dinner my treat ,says my Pooder doo. The Valentines Day gift Doop wants to get me is my favorite!! An edible arrangements Bouquet. !!!!! They love me. I don't mine being the "Queen slave mom lady" my boys  are worth it. Much love and Happy Valentines Day!!!!

Friendship

             As we wonder through the challenges of life, the journey is full of surprises if you embrace the journey for what it is . I just got off work and thoughts have flooded my mind. I began to think about the women that are apart of my everyday life. Not my mom and Aunties  but the day to day  ladies. YES FELLA'S we can dwell amongst each other with out a squabble. I was trying to see what we all had in common . I began to run through the different personalities and no one has anything in common, then the !AHA! moment set in.
         
           We all serve the Lord in one way or another and just like a marriage  he is needed in friendships. Not everyone is your friend and yes there are gray areas between associate, acquaintances and buddies, but there are clear cut lines to friend ship. Some levels are deeper  than others but we all know who holds the key to our outcomes as we walk out this journey.

             This is the first time in my life I have had numerous female friends beyond my cousins, Kimmie ,Tiff and Fana. My brother even commented to one of my sister friends "I'm so happy your friends with my sister." I looked at him and was in shock! you would think I had a hump on my back, one tooth and one eye.  He is special but I will tell you more about him later he is a story within himself. lol. Getting back to my cousins , I always wondered where did my personality come from? Kimmie is a lion true to her Leo heart she ROARS!!! yet she is the smallest of us and the oldest. Don't make her mad!!!, but she laughs as hard as she fusses. Tiffy has always been the coolest, yet toughest one. If she hits you one time your going down. I see a softer side of her after having two little guys later in life. Maybe its not that she's softer maybe she is just tired(hahahahaha) . I was with them for 30mins one day and I had to go home and take a nap. She is the mother of the "Sons of Thunder."  Fana is quiet has always been, but do not sleep on her. She will say whats important at the time it needs to be said and when she gives you that look!!!! Y'all know the look the: " don't mess with me or else I will……………" She is really sweet and can cook her butt off but you will never know if she doesn't want you to.  Then there is me!!!!! I walk in almost kicking the door and they just look at me and say that's just Mel. They let me be me, extra over the top, with a twist of ocd lol.

Now you may wonder who are her friends beyond that? lets keep walking………………….

           

Challenges

Im trying to write my thesis and it is quite the challenge. I started while I was on vacation but what has me baffled is the 5-6 pages of general information on the topic. I was trying to complete it in the inter semester . Three weeks of intense reseach and writting is doable!  Well , Now Im down to one week and two pages. I did not procrastinate, seem as if I had procrastinated I would feel as if I was further along. I am a pressure motivated person the only problem is the pressure turns into stress which if not channeled correctly turns into twisted back pain and not walking correctly for 2 weeks. So much fun!!!! Im so close to end of the Masters journey I can taste it yet so far that my arms can't reach it.

The journey for 2 years of completing this degree was so much more than just going to school. Somethings had to be pulled out of me that only this challenge could have surfaced. I had to stop procrastinating I have an issue with procrastination on assignments. Commitment!!! I was a commitment phobe . I would prefer to avoid it instead of commiting to it (what ever "it" was). Focus, I zoom in and prioritize  things according to importance. Is it more important to talk on the phone with my girls or get the job done? Do I clean the house when that person in need is calling? When Im tired do I nap, or put myself last until I get ill and still dont tend to my self or do I listen to my body that says slowdown stop rest and then start again once you have gained your strength?  Yes taking this Masters journey has shown me so much. The degree will open doors

, but the journey has opened my eyes!!!

Lets keep walking

Dreams

Looking deeper than the superficial meaning of what a ring may actually signify, beyond being absolutely beautiful.  I understand it to be a covenant promise.

Seems as if once I decided to dedicate this year to myself to grow, spiritually, intellectually and improve my health. My dreams are becoming so much more clear.

My journey is about to take a turn.