Reflection 2013

There are those  who reflect every year on the past what you did and didn't do?, making resolutions for the next year, to start out the gate running to only come 3 months along and realize you have stopped running or walking or is almost at a stand still, possibly in reverse.  I'm not big on reflecting I prefer to  flashback its quick then its over and it doesn't allow room to linger in the past. It's called the past for a reason. We aren't to forget it so that we can know were we are going, but lingering in it can be a mess. Quote from my grand mother E. L Roberts " When you stir in old mess it begins to stink."

 This time I'm going to try to improve upon somethings that will take longer than 3 months this apart of my journey. It will be a day by day second by second faith walk. I have to break some habits that I have formed over a life time. One is my speaking patterns. What do I mean by this? Well as I continue to groom my sons sometimes I speak their language and it doesn't take allot of effort to speak broken, incorrect English. Children will bring things out of you, things  that you never knew existed. Now don't get me wrong I'm not blaming my sons for anything, but I face customers every day and when I get a customer on the line that is acting like one on my children it takes everything out of me not say " really dude are you serious" which isn't appropriate when speaking with a customer. Speaking professionally  "should" be my main focus, but I slip sometimes. Maybe they have asked me the same thing over and over and I have replied with"I will complete  the task," and they wont let it  go. Then I want to say" I GOT CHU, I GOT CHU!!!!!" BUT I can't. I'm a work in progress but I'm loving the process.

       Another thing I will work on is my health. OK, OK I know everyone is striving to work on their health because the new year is coming. Well to me its bigger than the new year its the new life. See fitness for women is crucial. One of the biggest killers in women is heart disease. Plus allot of women have to have hysterectomies and ovarian cancer, breast cancer etc. Some of these things are genetic ,but some of these things can be avoided. HOW? We as women carry things internally, the stresses of life. We have to take care of our children, our parents our grand children's, our community rides on our back because we feel obligated . Have you noticed that women are carries? and we carry things in our wombs(hysterectomy), We put our heart into it, what ever it is(heart disease) when we exercise we release the toxins that come with the stress and sweat it out , breath it out , walk it out ,because we can't always talk it out.
       I just finished a semester of school that had me so stressed that it twisted my back into a knot and I couldn't walk for almost 2 weeks after it the semester was over!!!!!!! I said no more. I now take a spinning class 3-4 times a week and I have changed my diet. The weight loss will be a bonus but not my focus. Some times I peddle so hard that I feel like I'm going to "earl." I can feel my heart pounding against my chest cavity, and I remember when it felt like that after walking up 10 stairs.  I can't tell you what to do but I can tell you that breathing heavy after a hefty work out is so much better than breathing heavy after lifting a cookie lol!!!

I want you to walk this journey out with me. Lets keep walking………..

VISUAL PURSE IMPAIRMENT

The next thing I was thinking about was I have VISUAL PURSE IMPAIRMENT.

               When I look down I can see my feet but not my purse. I can't blame anybody but myself.  Sitting all day then sleeping then eating I'm surprised I can see my feet, but my eating habits are strange so allot of weight wasn't gained this semester, but enough for me not to see my purse. Now your wondering why I call it a purse?…..
            Well women are never caught without their purse. Some purses are rare others are expensive and the cost is exuberant , not just any "oh Joe "can buy this kind of purse.  Some are price less and there are others that only cost what the highest bidder will pay. Some are dirty and smelly . Unfortunately some get snatched and they and never recovered. There are old purses that get resown and look for restoration. Some just put any ole thing in them. No matter what type of purse you carry . YOU SHOULD BE ABLE TO SEE IT.  I'M GOING TO THE GYM AND ONE DAY SOON , I WILL SEE IT AGAIN!!!!!!!!

I want restitution!!! NO ROYALTIES!!!

                       

Sometimes its dangerous when I have free time to think!!!

I was thinking I want restitution!! For what?? I'm glad you asked. I want restitution for having a voluptuous bottom and not getting paid to carry it around. I know you looking like what are you talking about?  Well glad you asked that too. I have noticed women who are not of African heritage are paid to have big booty's!!!! African woman and African American women have been carrying these wonderful ASS-SETS around for centuries and not a dime has been paid, unless its on the cover of a low down dirty dirty magazine or unless we are wrapped around a grease pole.!!!!! I'm mad about it . I want my 40 acres and a mule plus big booty restitution!!! there I said it and yes I feel better.

I JUST REALIZED I  WOULD GET MORE MONEY FROM ROYALTIES!!! EVERY TIME SOMEONE HAS SURGERY TO IMITATE THE BIG BOOTY BRIGADE . I WANT ROYALTIES!!!

Momma's Big Boy

Do they ever stop being your baby? NOPE
Do I mind? NOPE
Mommas Boys aren't bad to have when momma knows how to let go.

What MY Momma and Aunties DIDNT tell me

   



         I love being in my 40's!!!! I am more confident . My blog is naturalsince40.blogspot.com!! The 40's are the new 40's and I say that because the only good thing that came out of my 20's were my son's . The best thing for me being in my 30's were them being the bridge to my  40's!! Big ups to my 40's , BUT THERE IS A FEW THINGS I DISCOVERED OR UNCOVERED!!!!!
   
      I approached my 40's and my precious jewels I have learned to appreciate.   My momma and auntie's  didn't tell me new smells show up????!!!!! Now what do I mean? Everything I eat !! some how the aroma seems to seep out of some part of me!!! My Aunt she has always been holistic my whole life wasn't even phased at my shock.!! Why does everything I eat seem to deodorize my lady parts??????? Oh my goodness.  I eat a curry based meal every day, why? because it has turmeric and cinnamon which are anti inflammatory and reduces the aging pains that sometimes arrive as we gracefully become more distinguished.  I only like the aroma as I eat it not the stench as it leaves!!!!!!! Yikes!!!!!
 
      Well ladies the next time you tinkle sniff, lol. Especially the healthy eaters  !!! Was that asparagus? was that curry or coriander ? Juicers know what I'm talking about lol.

The first time I went to "hot yoga" a class room for yoga set to be done at a 90 degree temp.  I first asked the person who took me what did I do to offend her that she  would torture me like that? I was in child pose so much that you would have thought I was taking a nap lol. Once the class was over I smelt like who done it and why???? it was atrocious!! I'm a glutton for punishment at times and went back again.  I ate strawberries and drank water before I went back because if what I eat is going to come out of my pours it better be sweet. WELL I smelt better but far from sweet.

        There isn't enough soap and water or powder that can help.

My Mom's pearl of wisdom on marriage: " If they do something you dont like before marriage , keep in minD after marriage it gets worse!!!!" REALLY???? AWE MAN!!

1French fry

I went to McDonalds drive through and asked for one French fry. The girl said, one small fry,I said no one French fry. She said a small fry. Now what wasn't clear?I wanted one French fry . My youngest son said MOM ITS NOT FUNNY CUT IT OUT!!!!I thought it was hilarious!!! Teenagers are such buzz kills!! Lol

Unspoken bond

        I have noticed that there is an unspoken bond amongst the sisters who wear their hair natural. I'm elated when I'm walking past and we give eye contact then we  smile at each other and even sometimes say Hi. Why? would this make me elated well here is the reason. I work for corporate America and to be natural is not the ideal look for a woman looking to climb the power wall. The men are a  challenge but the women are the least to accept you. Now am I saying all women NO!!!!!! but as I walk the long cold halls of the office space. I experience the look!!. What look is that? the up and down head to toe maybe I have a bugar in my nose or I smell look. You all know what I'm talking about. I was business casual  that day blazer, linen shirt, A-line skirt, snake skin heels.  BAM!!! by the time I got to my destination, if I were a weak person about who I am!!! I  would have been crushed. Women of many colors were giving me the boo boo look. It isn't just women of color who do that even though its stereo typed that we do. I was like wow do I smell I did shower this morning!!!!
          I was stopped by one young lady , Natural hair bright red lipstick she had on strips and poka dots I loved  her  style!! such an individual!!  she smile and walked up to me and began conversed with me about an up coming event out of the clear blue. I realized my soap and deodorant was still working it wasn't me it was the undeniable , competitive , ingrained  unrealized snarf snarf women have with other woman. Sad but true. As my day went on the Naturals smiled and spoke and the Straights( permed, relaxed whatever) avoided eye contact. How crazy is  that?????  Finally at the end of the day another Natural approached me and she was locked we spoke about the venue that was this weekend and I wasn't going to be able to make. She said I wish your were I wanted you to meet my daughter. The sister hood bond is so amazing with the Naturals!!! the straights have their right to be straight but catch the wave!!! I'm free being just me  Natural and All!!!!

Drama King

       

 I just had a shouting match with my 14 yr old son about his grades. He came up with every possible reason why the grades were so bad. I had to ask did he have younger siblings to take care of? UMMMMMM NO , Well does you mom run the streets and she is never home when you need her? UUUUMMMM NO. As his mom I of course know the answers , 1) He IS the younger sibling and 2) I'm  ALWAYS home!!! So whats the reason, "I don't like books he says" ! Well he is going to have one heck  of a time, because books aren't going anywhere and the last time I checked you had to read them to get through school. My grandmother use to tell me , something they would say in the south " if you want to keep something from black people put it in a book!" I got fired up when he said he doesn't like books. I say that's CRAP!!! I wasn't a reader when I was younger either, because of what I had to read. Once I  got to college and began to read, Zora  Neale Huston and Terri McMillan I would sit and read until my eyes popped out! I have so many books in this house he just chooses to float on goofy . See our children don't know our past and they are doomed to repeat it. See he use to love to read , he had every Junie B Jones book ever written my mom made sure of that. He is at the age where being smart isn't cool.
        I'm not tolerating the under achiever song, so he tried another route You expect me to be perfect I told him I don't expect you to be perfect that's CRAP!!!  . YOUR SMART !!!!! The dumb look appears ! He tried it !!! Nope not gonna work here.
        SO while the shouting match was going and every excuse to man for bad grades emerged I said "GO TO HELL" with that !!! OH MY GOODNESS the world began to crash in. He goes into " I don't care anymore you told me to go to HELL!!!" There are tears (from him not me , because I know the drama pattern) He tried it again and it didn't work. He tries to walk out of the room what a dramatic exit. I said get in here (he wasn't getting off that easy like in the past.) He is trying it again, but I realize he is sneaking in saying Hell (told you he was smart, but He  isn't slick.) I said stop talking!!! See I realize as boys get older they try you on different levels and if your not paying attention they will get you. See in the past I would apologize for saying something like HELL.  NOW!!!! that's not going to happen we are playing in the big leagues !!!! High school,  you only get one shot and you can either dread it or enjoy it, but I'm not your friend I AM"THE CRAZY LADY " He must have slept when his big bro was in high school. Elementary school and middle school mom is gone. This is High school consequences MOM!!!

      I feel no guilt And no pain why? because believe it or not I was listening in my car to Oprah radio and they had a mom on there who said. Your kids should think your a little crazy while they are growing up, they arent ever really sure what you will do next. I smiled that was my philosophy with me oldest son. His freshman year told me he thought I was crazy. Apparently it works and Im not the only mom on the planet who thinks this way . I LOVE IT. I will become sane when they have their little tikes and I take on the title MA MA. Until then  lets keep walking……………...

Oh My!!!

 

     I have been in a struggle all day today!!! after work I layed down before the second half of my day began. I began to reflect and that's not always a good thing!! I saw this person the other day that I have seen in the past and my eyes almost fell out. It was just a glance and I don't see this person that way but, he was so ------- I don't even have a word to describe him. My mouth hit the floor. I had to pull myself together quick. As the old folks would say "he was casket sharp"We have never communicated  verbally more than a "HI." I reached out to some friend to express what I saw and they saw it too. I was like wow!!.
     SO moving forward I lay down and another person comes to mind. I close my eyes and my mind wonders I STOP!!!! because that's not OK on any level. I had somewhere to be and I didn't want to get up .
     I finally pulled it together and left the house. While driving this overwhelming feeling came over me and my mind drifted again!!!! I could see the road but, what was in my head had me for a moment. I started praying please take this away, I feel like I'm at a cross roads by myself. OK now I really have to  focus. I finally have my meeting and all is well , the feeling is gone. I decide its a peaceful time to study and here that feeling comes  again. I'm reading and my mind begins to wonder again. I cant concentrate. There is an internal tug-a - war!!!!! who will win???
     Times like this I'm glad I am not just one phone call, text or drive away. I would fall  and who knows if I would be able to get back up. I have to resist the internal temptation and it will flee. I will wait !!and I can wait!!! til that day where forever  doesn't seem that long....

I've been single to long..... walk this journey out with me.......

When Someone tells you who they are LISTEN!

   
 One thing thing that I have learned through listening to others and my own observation, is when a person tells you who they are listen . When some one tells you they are a duck,  and you try to convince them or yourself they are a swan your headed for disappointment. Now don't get me wrong there are people that have potential and sometimes we see the potential in a person that they  don't see in themselves. When you encounter this, it sometimes turns into you pouring into a bottomless pit of emotion. Which will drain you and frustrate you and make you doubt who you are, because  you have poured and poured that you get lost and have to find yourself again. That right there!!! is just a vicious cycle of crazy. When someone tells you who they are listen, stay if that's what the Holy spirit is telling you to do, but if not RUN for your life. You personally cant fix anyone.

      I was speaking with someone today I haven't seen in years and never really held a conversation with, but was always really sweet when ever we crossed paths. His big sister is my big sister (she use to date my brother and we stayed connected . even if we hadn't spoken in years I knew I could pickup the  phone and I knew everything would still flow like when I was 19yrs old.)
   
      The sibling to my "big sis" began to speak and he is raw , honest  when it comes to conversation, a rare  feature in a person when you first meet them. He intrigued me not on a sexual level, but on a learning level. I listened to him speak, and he can recognize game in a heart beat. The streets couldn't trick him if they wanted to but, he wasn't honest with his heart. I heard him speak  and this "ride them rough"brotha that was talking wasn't the man he really desires to share. We spoke of his present "thingy thing" cant call it a relationship because, he wouldn't brand it that way. He spoke about the "shorty"(that's what he named her) that he had encountered for almost a year. (NOW LET ME STOP HERE!! when you ride with some one beyond 6 months and they can frustrate you and you will stop what your doing to match up with their plans that's a relationship.) I listened to his attentiveness, and frustration     ( you don't get frustrated about a fling) and I heard his heart. The chaos and confusion brought mood swings to this person and I smiled. He has spoke out of his mouth what his heart isn't following. Now am I saying he is in love NO not at all. What I am saying is he wants something that his mouth is saying he doesn't want and "shorty pie" hasn't read the signs. So I listened some more  he hides behind his child, she is his shield of protection. See baby girl isn't in the same city as he is and he  determined to be  an great dad to her ,but many great fathers may not live in the same town as their child and their greatness  doesn't fade. Heck there are many dead beat busters that live in the same city as their precious seed and don't give a flying fig newton about the gift that was given to them from their loins. He knows who he is and he know what he wants , and wants to have a family and not be hurt in the midst of building one. He better line his head up with his heart or he will stay on this road of hiding hiding his true self, like so many do) Hurt is apart of Love and if you don't believe it your missing out.

    What I'm saying is listen to what a person tells you. They will tell you who they are. Be careful whats coming out of your mouth it may not be lining up with your heart.

10 YEAR ASSIGNMENT!

        October has the beginning of somethings for me but definitely an ending to a 10 year assignment. The assignment made me happy and frustrated me . I did all I could only to find out my insight was wrong and once I let it go from my worries it worked out just like it was suppose to. I'm truly grateful for the assignment I grew up and let go. Stopped seeking  what others thought the project should look like, but relying on the day to day work , sweat and tears to transform this miraculous journey bring the assignment to a complete finish. No wasn't a project because those are delegated by people, but an assignment is chosen by the most high. Was it easy? I must say not at all !!!! was it worth it I can truly say YES !!!!!.

        I have recently had the pleasure of speaking with some strangers that felt like friends. They were up in age around in their 70's and if you have ever had a chance to sit with some one in their 70's or higher that conversation will teach  you way more than life itself.  I spoke with a couple who had married for only 3 years they had never married before. They dated others and lived as if they were married but never took that step. They had know each other for years and dated each other on and off. When 9/11 hit they realized that petty stuff wasn't worth them not being together, and they hooked up and finally married 3 tears ago. Love happens at any age and when you wait your true love will come. I  spoke with another person who had been a widow after 40 years of marriage, and she is now in her 70's. She told me she has a friend and they have known each other 30 years and have dated for 15 yrs. They are both in their 70's. I was so elated  to just speak with her. She told me to wait and enjoy life. I can just feel Love in the air when I speak with those wonderful people.

Parent teacher conference

This is the first time I have ever gone to a parent teacher conference , and every teacher spoke so highly about my child. Then the grades!!!we stood baffled together. The charming, pleasant, polite student who use to get in trouble allllllllll the time and according to him they just didn't like him. How can the social butterfly have the grades of a ookie kabookie !!!! I didn't even know how
To handle this, do I hug him than yell? Or slap him in the head and then kiss him on the cheek? Well I smiled , yelled and kissed him on the cheek lol. My boys keep me crazy in love with them...

Monday morning

Are you its not Monday morning? Every minute of today feels like a Monday morning! What's that feeling? Where every challenge that has been encountered can't be resolved until Monday morning, and there is an unspoken feeling of urgency to get it done, backed by anxiety!!!Hello Monday!!!

Name Change

           Why did I change the name of the blog from Melanie's Journey to Financial Freedom to Melanie's Journey? Because reaching financial freedom is only one of the ventures I will strive to acheive while walking out this journey.
            I had school today and my family has heard me say how hard every semester has been and only by God's grace have I made it, but this semster I have wanted to quit and run away. I have been in labor before twice and this semester is as painful as labor!!!!!!!!!!! Why do I feel this way? Im getting an grown up degree and wasnt ready for what came with it. Its kind of like graduating high school and being the class clown, and now you have to go to college and your jokes arent funny, no one knows you and no one is waking you up to go to class, when mom always woke you up. Grown up stuff!! I need the pit bull to kick in ASAP. Here she comes !!!!

            I watched this video and it helped me pull myself together. No, Im not making sales calls , but I hit a plateau of knowledge and the only way to get past it is to dig in deeper, study smarter not harder and refocus my time. I was watchin a mercedes benz commerecial and it said the owner posted in his shop "The Best or Nothing" I sat and stared at that quote, bescause if we lived our lives with this in the fore front of our minds the 2% of wealthy people would have to move over and watch us rise in wealth with them. We get stomped by our own enemy that reside " in a me" I am my greatest hinderance and Im sure Im not alone. It doesnt matter how many people cheer you on , if you cant see it for yourself you or maybe I should say "I" will be limited on what I can acheive.

          I will strive to complete this grown up degree, but my true measure of success is when my son's become their best selves. Thats success to a parent!

This blog page was all over the place today. I will be more focused next time!! this is just where I am today.  Please excuse my blog if it reads like the Zora Neal Hurston book "There Eyes Were Watching God." (awesome reading, but took me a moment to understand it). Lets keep walking..............

So Your wondering?

 

  So your wondering what God showed me, Well he showed me how when I get excited about a  somethings initially, it will sizzle out over time. My excitement has  to have passion behind it , in order to survive. Normally when I'm instructed to do something that is good for me or  God ordained, I normally want to run, and that turns out usually becoming my greatest passion.

 
  In my soul and all of my being I feel that God has put a business inside of me, but  I haven't tapped into what it is just yet.  I have tried and ,I'm  HUGE  Network marketing fan. I have tried my hand at a few of them and I was so "excited" to start!!!( I used the word "excited" meaning in my world excitement +  no passion means sizzle out soon). My very  first business venture,I saw it advertised in my mothers Black Enterprise Magazine!!! I just knew I would be a star, I took the  classes to sell insurance , so that I can  help people and make money and I never took the exam.  Then a few years had passed and I tried to bake my cookies, I ordered business cards, but I never got my DBA and I didn't have an industrial oven. I looked at it from a tax perspective, but didn't count all of the work that  I would have to be put into it, I realized I just wasn't ready!!! Plus I would only sell them 3 for $1. I liked doing it , but not everyday and didn't make enough to cover the cost.   Which brings me to my next business venture!!!! I love to help women, I believe we are the most wonderful creation God could have ever made!!! I was approached to sell makeup for one of the best makeup companies world wide!! Well first the person who approached (and she knows who she is) can sell swamp land to an alligator!!!!! The company believes in enriching women's lives!!!! I  love their model!!  God first then, family and then business. I was so " excited" again until I realized I'm allergic to some of the skin cleansers, the lip gloss, the eye shadow etc..!!!!!! uggggg Plus the product which is high quality was a little pricey for the circle I associated with. I felt bad charging them tax and shipping charges , sometimes the tax and shipping cost more than the item!!!!.. Now to know me I have to be able to promote something that works for me, and I'm a person who is all in!!!! well it got a little hard because, I would be asked does it work for me and ummmmmmmm I'm not a good fibber so I would point out what I can use. Well that gets old and the excitement fizzles eventually. So I kinda walked away, plus you have to be able to have great follow up skills, and I'm working on  my follow up skills everyday.  So while I was selling make up I was presented with another business!!! I saw $$$$$$$$ so at first I got" excited" because the presenter was someone I knew, and it was new to the area and wanted to be one of the first in!! Then I hesitated but I'm all about supporting family so I joined even though I don't travel, but I like money. No I'm not in love with money and it does have its place, I just wanted it in my place .Well you know the saying" to make money you have to invest money." I invested again for the fourth time. Well I asked everyone that my family didn't already ask.  Going for NO! wasn't hard that's all I heard, and when I finally got people on my team they didn't do any work to grow their business. I pondered  and pondered what can I do different?  My family is blowing this thing up WOW!!!! I was so proud of them.

    I began to seek God about it and he showed me, clear as day that wasn't his plan for my life so  I called my cousin and asked her to find a replacement for me and from what I here  he is doing phenomenal!!  I began to question God and ask well what is it that is in me that says business ?and would fit the plan he has in my life? He began to  show me how to trust him as we walk it out.

    I was approached about another  business and as I said before I like helping people and this business  meant I would help people with their utility bills, cut the cost. Here comes that "excitement " feeling again, but this time I stopped . I realized "excitement" about a business venture without passion only means broke lol!!!

   I stopped and declined and this time I was offered a free space, but one thing I have learned is "Seek ye first the kingdom of God and  his righteousness, and all these things shall be added unto you. " Matt 6:33.
     I  have been offered  more presentations which I will  definitely listen to and if God tells me to go forward I will, and if he doesn't I wont, but what I wont do is follow my "excitement."

   

 What I have found,  that burns passionately within me is the Success of my son's Moe and Sai and,their growth in Christ . Watching them reach their full potential in life no matter what others may say!!  I agonized over being a single mom at first, but my boys are the reason I push forward. My other  passion is completing the Masters program. This accomplishment may just be to push the next generation further, but I remember God whispering to me ,that it will be for the Glory of his Kingdom.  I will tell you I cried when I had to change from one major to another, but my life is not my own and as he orders my steps, yet I stumble and sometimes fall I will continue to walk forward. Lets walk together............

Stop the press!!!!

     STOP THE PRESS!!!! WHY DO I WANT FINANCIAL FREEDOM????? I know some of you that are reading this is saying : What kind of question is that? DUH !!! Why not be financially free? Who likes debt??. That not where I'm coming from. Whenever some one sets on a path of purpose its usually  much bigger than what the initial reason may have been. What do I mean by that statement? OK, let me explain. Lets say someone wants to lose weight, the first thought is usually not always but mostly to look extra hot and physically attractive, right???? but when they proceed further through the weight loss journey their health improves, their self confidence sometimes increase, they are able to love themselves which in turn allows them to open their hearts and love on others etc.... I'm speaking about healthy weight loss not dieting. (Diets don't work, its a life style change that does!)
   
       Well I went to church today and the sermon spoke to being AWAKE in the body of Christ. Then it dawned on me to answer the question, Why do I want financial freedom? To be able to buy the latest designer bag or red bottom stiletto shoes? Is it to just say I don't have any debt? NO!!!! I have always had a desire to help people, and before I began to attend my present church I couldn't see beyond the borders of which ever little community church I was in attendance with membership. So I couldn't see beyond the neighborhood I was worshipping in. Now I know, I want to achieve financial freedom so that I may be able to contribute to being a blessing to many near and far. Possibly attending a mission, or donating to different ministries , not just looking for a tax write off!!!

    The initial event that began this journey was small but, has extended to so much more!! the event that triggered this journey started with  me checking my bank account online on a non pay week . Not to my surprise at all, but it sure made me laugh instead of cry I saw one account total .41 cent and the other .23 cent. I just burst out laughing , then I got anxiety and then angry and said LORD SOMETHING HAS TO CHANGE!.  I took a big sigh and just listened to see if GOD would give some extraordinary answer. (FYI, God will speak to you, the thing is you may not always like what he is saying.) Well he did show me somethings and I will tell you what it is. Lets keep walking.....

Side bar

I am at coffee shop twice in one day!! That's a budget buster!! I'm done for the month!!!

Lets Walk

   

  Hi Everyone I first want to say thank you for walking this out with me, I have to start with this funny event. I had just written the first blog and I was all excited and the next day my youngest son Sai comes to me and says " Mom I need to go shopping for the home coming dance we cant wear jeans." I turned over in my bed and said " Boy you better get out of my face." I'm saying this because as soon as you set your mind to do a thing you can count on your children to have another plan for your money!!!!! TEENAGERS!!!!

      You may have wondered why did I choose the name the blog natural since 40, Well there is a reason. I am not your average bear or your average female. No I'm not calling females bears but we can be at times mess with one of our babies!!!!!!! I had tried numerous times to go natural but just didn't know how to make it cute. I don't like going to the hair dresser NEVER EVER DID. I did it because being a teenager and 20, 30's it just wasn't in style to be natural. I had one girlfriend who had locks, but she was and still is mother nature. No meat make your own ointments!!! she was so ahead of her time, little did she nor did I know we would influence each other's life. I served the Lord and paid tithes and she was holistic on every level. Well I tried it again in my later 30's and because I was in a relationship I cared about what he liked and you could see HE DIDN'T LIKE IT!!!!!. So I got another relaxer and just watched it eat away at my hair as well as my soul. This wasn't me!!  I took the buy out in August 2007, that year my income had totaled to $100,000!!!!! Well I haven't seen that amount since!! My relationship of 6yrs soon after ended and as miserable as I was in it I couldn't walk away (remember the pit bull clamp down that sometimes bit me in the booty. ) I had went from making $100,000 in 2007 to $20,000 in 2008.  I turned 40 yrs old November of 2010  and said enough is enough. I couldn't afford to keep getting relaxer, literally couldn't afford it(no money) even if they were home relaxers. I decided I was not going to have my scalp burn one more day for anyone. If you don't like me and my natural knots oh well. Well needless to say the brotha's in the city where I live  are a little slow to the natural. Not all! but most, I heard crickets from them lol.   See my self worth was connected to my appearance which in turn was connected to my spending which affected my finances and my weight!!!!! Not anymore. I personally now like the sound of crickets lol.

        I have days that I reflect on when I made $60,000 to $70,000 dollars a year, and I look at what I made before I took that job, and after I left that job. I look to see when I was at my most happiest. Was I happy making that kind of money, to be honest with you I don't remember because I was working so much that its just a blur. Things my sons bring up I barely remember, because I was working night shifts and swing shifts. They were little guys and I was sleep deprived. Do I miss the money? "HECK YEAH!!!" Do I miss the job? NO,NO NO. I know there is a happy medium and I'm in route to find it. Please  don't get me wrong I was blessed to purchase a home  for my boys to call theirs as well as take vacations and buy them any and everything their hearts desired. Sounds wonderful and FRIVOLOUS!!!!!!.

      Why did I walk away from it all? because I was dying inside. I needed to stimulate my brain and I wasn't growing. My relationship was falling apart and frustrating. I was the mean mommy lady to my boys. Little did I know my steps were being ordered by my heavenly and Almighty father.

       I remember being a little girl around 4years old and asking my grandmother did I have a bank account? She told my mom and I could only imagine what she was thinking. See my mom as I explained before raised me and my brother Mike by herself. My father found another love (drugs) and Mommy wasn't having it. She had worked to hard to get her LPN license and told him adios amigo. I didn't now we were struggling financially , I had enough toys to fill 2 houses so in my little head I figured I should  have a bank account. lol. Lets continue to walk .........

   

The Beginning

Hi Everyone I really don't where or how to start , but let me try to start by introducing myself. My name is Melanie J Hicks . I'm a single mother of two God sent sons who add comedy to my life on a daily basis without trying. I'm in my 40's and never, ever, ever have I embraced and decade like I'm embracing my 40's. I've never been married, but I would like to be one day. I must confessed it just dawned on me in my late 30's that marriage would be an enhancement to my life, but only if God sends him. I have met enough "Romie Romes" to last me a life time.  I work for a global financial institution. I am also working on my masters in Global business and Accounting. Only with God's grace and favor am I making it through.

I placed a picture of my dog to start it off , because my mother who is my most favorite girl in the world and my most enthusiastic cheerleader has told me I have the tenacity  of a pit bull. Once I sink my teeth into something I wont let it go, I must conquer it. That behavior has at times bit me in the booty.

I have said all of that to give a little about myself and as this journey progresses forward you will learn allot about me. I will become transparent and vulnerable as I walk out this journey to financial freedom. I will speak to my past as well as my present as I take one step at a time into my future. I have listened to some of the greatest speakers that teach on how to become debt free . I wonder about their journeys , We see the end result but have you ever thought about "where would I be had I walked that thing out with them?" "How did they do that in 3-5years ? when its taking me a life time just to look up and see the day light."

Well everyone I'm asking you to walk this out with me. Do I know the out come "yes" I will be financially free. I put all of my trust in God and he will give me the desires of my heart. He hasn't failed me yet. Do I know how long it may take ? NO! Do I have allot of work to do? "YES" how can I have faith and not work ? The bible says in plain print " But wilt thou know O vain man faith without works is dead" James 2:20 . I'm asking you as you read this to walk this journey out with me, lets begin........