The dance that teaches relationships

Hello, I'm posting this video because there was a profound life lesson I learned from it on Sunday. It wasn't just dancing but a version of how relationships happen. Please take a moment to read what I learned, I think you will agree. So on Sunday I went to Kizomba with my auntie, mom and cousin. Little did I know it would change my view on life. There were 2 instructors and they began to teach the dance. We started out individually learning the steps then we had to find a partner. One male one female, well of course there were more women to men, so every 5 mins the women were to rotate to the right so that every woman could have the chance to dance with a gentleman. A really nice older gentleman came to me and complimented me on my hair and how beautiful I was (all flattery) I laughed and thanked him . He also told me he didn't know what he was doing. So we began to dance. He didn't know how to lead and I wasn't comfortable following , then we rotated to the right. The next gentleman smiled politely and began the lead but had no clue on where he was going and for me to follow I kept stumbling . He then commands me to look at him as he rhythmlessly led me in the dance. Time to rotate to the right , I encountered a really tall nice looking guy, he was trying to get it and every once and a while we would find a rhythm then go out of step. Rotate to the right one more time, the gentleman asked me if I knew the dance? I said no so he told me to close my eyes and he would lead me. We rocked back and forth than with his subtle but direct guidance we began. He sometimes had to speak a word or two, but I was able to follow his guidance. Wow I was amazed, you see independent woman when you encounter a man who knows where he is going and isn't afraid to take the lead its OK to close your eyes and just follow the dance. (I didn't want to dance with anyone else so I went and sat down) . I also looked at my faith walk! You see this journey has taught me that I walk blindly with faith and God takes me by the hand and leads me gently in this dance. He has never failed me nor has he let me fall. When your in tuned to his word you glide in the dance. Final FYI: When "He" is your "HIM" your steps will match up and you can smile and enjoy the dance.... Let him lead......

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The "Tough Girl"

These are the pictures of my journey, The picture on the left is me  and my oldest on thanksgiving, The middle picture was me and my niece on Christmas and the one on the right is a representation of how I look today. Even though I lost my hair I didn't lose myself, my faith and my Life. My mom was with me today at my treatment and she kept saying I was a toughie. I realize that many people see me as a "tough girl.." I had a friend of mines Latashia Martin say to me just like her we represent the "tough girl" and with that no one thinks we need help. Why? because "we got this and we will make " it " happen" whatever "it" is.  A tough girl isn't born a "tough girl" she is molded into that position, and is penalized for being there. See people don't think you cry in the middle of the night because they see you smile in the middle of the day. No one knows that your strength runs low because " You got this" and you intimidate many because you are confident about who you are and they don't see that your vulnerable and love hard. "Tough girls " are tough because life has slapped them  in the face and there was no safety net to catch them. Your faith in God is tremendous because as you look back over your life and there are really only one set of foot prints in the sand and you know they aren't yours. Even when you acted a fool and turned your back on God he still carried the "tough girl" through. Boys run up and try to cling to "tough girls"  because she reminds them of their mothers , but resent her because she reminds them of their mother . While she walks forward and Men don't say a word to her because they judge her exterior as being to tough to handle and  to hard to hold, yet they  don't scratch the surface to realize the "tough girl" is vulnerable with standards. So as I carry the title of " Tough girl." Remember don't judge a book by its cover "Real Man" step up and let the " Tough girl" just be a girl...... Lets Keep walking...

Doing Everything with your Socks on!

Recently a great friend of mines came by the house to visit me while I'm on my journey. I always enjoy myself when I speak with her because, she has sons as well and knows my plight when it comes to living with all men. We were discussing Christmas gifts and if you have sons, are a son been around son's  live with any body that has the XY chromosome,you learn the older they get the more expensive their toy request becomes. Heaven forbid your youngest child is a male then  sky's the limit on what he may request. Firstly, because he knows your tired because the first ones have worn you down as well as, moms have a special heart for their boys and we a suckers for our babies. Let me take a breath that was allot.  OK moving forward She and I sat on the couch and she spoke about her tradition of buying underwear and socks for her sons every year, and then a puzzled look came across her face. She began to think aloud on how no matter how old her guys get they won't buy underwear, but they will buy socks. I did a quick run through in my head and realized the samething happens in my house. I will buy the guys underwear and T-shirts but they will buy their own socks. So as we laughed about it I realized men do everything but bathe in their socks. A situation will be hot and steamy and as you move close to the bed and he intensely removes your clothes and then his clothes drop to the floor. The time of hot sweaty intense love making takes place and then its over and BAM he still has on his socks!!! It will be summer time and  whether they are young or old they  have on named brand sandals and socks the only thing that differs is the single man socks from the married man socks. Now you all are wondering what are married man socks? Men let me tell you  if your socks go above your ankle at any time and are 3/4 up your calf you have been official labeled as wearing married man socks(Its an Melanieism) lol. Know lets take a look at price: elite socks are $14 a pop ( Elite are sports socks for football that I guess keep your feet cool or dry or something. I just know that is to high a price for 1 pair of socks). Now the Crazy socks are in style the crazier the sock  the more fashion forward you are. Look at business men now a days. The tie doesn't just tell the story of his personality anymore check out his socks(and shoes). I remember being younger and sitting with Levi Ruffin at some point ,him and my Uncle Butch are great  friends, and Levi told the story about the original super man and how he passed away. The moral of the story was he was  completely naked when he was found, but he still had on his socks.!!!  I remember speaking to a woman and she spoke about her and her husband when the were dating they would go to the beach and walk in the sand and he would wear his socks. She didn't know if he had a sixth toe or not he would always wear his socks. Women around the world, Men all want the same thing!!!They want the simple things in life, food, sex and socks lol .
Smooches
Lets Keep walking

At Times like this it gets REAL

Let me begin, I straightened my hair  to see how it looked before I began this part of my journey.  Now its back to curly because AINT nobody have time for that!!! I have had to embrace I am not my hair.

Today I was an out patient to have a mediport placed in my chest so that the chemo treatment can flow easily. I say this to tell you as I laid on the gurney in the prep room , I began to feel the real sensation that goes along with laying there. I must admit I didn't like it.You see as I have walked this journey out it seems surreal. I can only explain it as a out of body experience. I have the physical scars , but my spirit just keeps rising to the occasion and keeping me in perfect peace. I was laying in the hall on the gurney alone and a lady walked passed, as they wheeled her husband along side me she said" I never would have thought you were the patient when you walked in." I smiled at her and the nurse  said to her as they passed "you saw her when she came in?" and as I ear hustled (HEY I'M A MOM that's what we do) .She faintly stated "she was smiling when she came in....  "

As I was rolled to my destination I saw this really thin table and I was thinking who is suppose to lay on that with ALL A DIS????  The people were so nice they explained the procedure , gave me warm blankets then told me to get on this table that was the size of a balance beam ( OK I'm exaggerating but not much!!!) Now for those who know me , know I speak my mind with limited filtration, lol. I had to ask the nurse "what do you all do with really Fluffy patients?? " "she smiled and said we make it work" .

 They were just about to sedate me and my over 40 bladder kicked in all of a sudden, All I could think is, if I don't go before they sedate me this will not end pretty. I had to do a dismount off the balance beam and I nailed it, I could have been in the Olympics !! lol. I made it back to the table and the process began.  I started to think hmmmm Is this how it is on Greys Anatomy ?? the sedative was kicking in. Then The song by Fred Hammond played in my head " Clean Heart" Its so awesome that in those quiet times what's most dear to you floods your heart and mind, and it makes the process go smoothly ,kinda.First I could here them struggling to get the sedative in the IV . I was thinking Ya'll come on!!! Well then suture knot came out as the tried to sew the mediport under my skin so instead they GLUED  me back together  , honestly they used  glue to put me back together like Humpty Dumpty on this balance beam (Im just saying). Now keep in mind I'm loopy, but I can hear when something isn't going right. I wanted to laugh, because I hear "awe shoot the knot came a loose." REALLY??? lol and she didn't use her inside voice.

.I got dressed and my Auntie drove me home but as we drove we called my mom at work and she was elated my Auntie was there, she proceeds to tell me of a young lady she just met who has just Survived this journey. My mom shows her my picture and she said I was glowing. Mind you I'm loopy and I think maybe I'm glowing because I have had so much radioactive shots within this last week, I'M RADIOACTIVE!!!! I might be able to glow in the dark, that would be soooo cool. I get home and my oldest shows up at the same time. I kiss my Auntie Good bye . I get in the house and I'm talking to my oldest son he says" They gave you drugs ? " lol YEPPER . H E SAID GO SIT DOWN. I think that 21 yr old is having to much fun telling me what to do!! I guess he wasn't amused at his loopy mom. I get my Pj's on and get on the couch and my cover smells like Captain Crunch, What an awesome smell to fall asleep too.......

Let Keep walking ......

A Lovely Day!!!!!

Just one look at you and the worlds alright with me. Just one look at you and I know its gonna be  a Lovely DAAAAAAAAAAY!!!!!
I was having a moment the other day after the doctor told me I was going to have to get Chemo therapy. I got into my feelings ( which I do every time I visit the doctor lately. I thought I was prepared to hear it, then that moment arrives ; it hits you like a punch in the gut and you want to fall off the table and nausea sets in at the same time. I was informed of a genetic test I need to take  to make sure I don't have the mutated gene which can cause the cancer to come back  in my breast or ovaries... blah blah blah........  OK so speaking about the Doctors visit my Auntie Jean came i
nto town and graciously  escorted me to  my appointment. I asked if she could come into the room for the the post exam. I have realized lately I go numb when they go beyond " Hello". So the NP comes in and tells me her job is to keep me alive til I'm 100 yrs old. Cool I'm all for that. My Aunt interrupts the NP to tell her well  Jewish people are to live til 120yrs ummmmmmm Auntie we aren't Jewish , We might come from the Ebu tribe not the Hebrew tribe!!!. The  look on the NP's face is priceless, my family is funny.  After I go Numb from the information and feel as if In going to vomit from TMI. We leave, I get in the car and No I'm not OK. I need my 15 mins to cry like a baby then I will get over it, well this time it lasted 15mins then when I got home alone and I took 10 more mins to cry, I wanted to suck it up but I couldn't.... The thoughts that brought me to intense tears were my boys. My mom and Auntie explained they aren't babies anymore and to stop looking at them as little boys. This process will a guide them to become compassionate men. The women that they will marry, they will know how to treat them and be compassionate to them when the are weak. That was the moment  my tears dried up and I came to a calm place. See at one point I was crying about my boys having to go through it all ,  and if I had a mate , a husband, man(boy friend) friend somebody to help the boys through it I would feel better. ( Now don't get me wrong my JESUS ONLY friends and Fam, I know God Got this !!!!!!! RELAX!!! I was being human for a moment OKAY? OK!!).

   The day progressed on and I thought about the extended pity party I had and realized hmmmmmmmmm, if I was in a relationship and my "HIM" came home and asked me" had I been on the couch all day?" or Asked me" What did I do all day? " or say "So You haven't done anything today?" I realized I would break up with him on the spot, and  put him out!!!!(I dont argue) Which would make me single anyway lol. Soooooooo  my time alone is God ordained and well deserved. See God knows that this Lady Pit bull does bite so grrrrrrrrrrrrrr. lol
Lets keep walking............

His ways are not Our ways,AND His thoughts are not Our thoughts

I sit and giggle at the things I ask God for , or the silent whispers I say in my mind and how they must sound to him. I have gotten into those deep moments and cried out "Lord Use Me!!!!" Only to find out the way I meant it was : "Lord use me but , with conditions like, " I don't want anything major to happen to me or my family or people really close to me" and He says OK "Here walk through this test so that others can see your faith increase and I will get all of the Glory and praise." "UMMMMMM that's not what I meant God." OK let me try this again. "I think I want my boobs done. Lord help me save up enough money so that I can pull these working sand bags up. " God goes I will give you the desires if your heart.  I have a lump ? What I can get a mastectomy or a lumpectomy? UMMMMMMMM I really don't want my boobs done that bad. They can keep sleeping. Here I go again" Lord I am over it I'm not having anymore kids I'm having a hysterectomy!!!!! Lets set the date. ( silent prayer :Lord I don't want to do anything outside of your will, so lets make this happen.) UMMMMMMMMM what do you mean we have to cancel the surgery :??? AWE LAWD REALLY????? I have been told in the past by girlfriends I have a cell phone to God while others have a land line , I have also been told Melanie "Watch your mouth ,You know God moves quick." God has a serious sense of humor. I was talking to my cousin and we were saying don't pray for strength or patience. I know your looking at this strange, but as you can see  God is funny .. It is written patience bringth about tribulation so I shore won't ask for that, and strength I can only imagine that road. SO the next time you pray be ready for what comes your way!!!!!! He is so Awesome .. People look at God as this Big Mean I'm gonna get you sucka kinda presence. When in reality when you look around Laughter is like medicine to our bodies and souls. Love makes us grow... When you can't stand any more Kneel.. He has a perfect plan for your life....... Lets keep walking.....

Breast Cancer Awareness month

I'm sitting here waiting for my son to get out of his doctors appt.. I'm in a space not of fear but What the.....? I  had a mammogram experience and seeing how sexy and fun this was. All of those who know what I'm writing about, know I'm being facetious.The beauty of this MAN-made machine and yes I emphasized MAN!!! Because only a man would come up with an life saving invention for women that will put her in the most uncomfortable positions!!! Its something about putting my breast on a cold slab , have it compressed into a pancake as I smash my face up against a cold plastic duhickie ,that makes me grimace. The clincher is its performed at different angles !!!!! OUCH!!!!!! and the Technician says "Don't move" REALLY!!!!! WHERE AM I GOING WITH MY BOOB IN A VICE???!!!!Even though I'm complaining the words "we see something" makes the pain fade away.  Huh? What?  Knowing where my faith resides, lives and grows.  There is no fear just a numb......
Lets keep walking...